She wants to see you again! HALT.
So you’ve gone on a great first date, or maybe even a few dates. You’ve followed all the rules without playing games: you delivered curiosity for her life, you’ve figured out that she has a high desire grade level towards you, she’s not pitching tentative dates to you but solid ones, it’s obvious that she likes you enough but you don’t like her more than she likes you, and you know she wants to see you for another date. Sounds perfect, right?
Think again. Early on, some women will be trying to set a precedent for what amount of demands they can make of you, how much they can control your actions. Instead of using ladyjargon openly, they might be asking you to jump and waiting for you to ask “how high?” When you’re a man with standards for yourself, it’s important to stick to those standards and rules from the start. The right woman will appreciate it, the wrong woman will be driven mad with rage wondering why you won’t kowtow to her demands and inquiries.
Maybe you just had a great date and she’s already pushing to see you again right away. Don’t fall victim to this trial: the next date should be proposed preferably when your schedule allows it, and at least more than a handful of days after the previous one. A great woman will appreciate a man who has a busy schedule with work, friends, family and personal time. If you jump into her demands for a back-to-back date, subconsciously you’re telling her “I’m a sucker, I have no plans, and if I do, I’ll cancel them for you ALWAYS.” That precedent you set by asking how high you should jump is one that will trap you for the rest of your relationship. Let her know gently that you want to see her again, and do it only by proposing the next date when your schedule allows for it.
Of course there are times when a woman proposes a date and you can easily jump at it with interest, but you still have to man-up and be the one who does the proposing early on. Remember, you’re judging her desire grade level constantly, and just because she proposes a date with excitement doesn’t mean she actually has a high desire grade for you: it could also mean she’s angling to see how far your tether is from her.
Make your dates and plans with her on your schedule. Don’t be the boss, just show her that you’re a natural leader, someone who has an active life with work and friends and family and personal time, but also wants her in that active life. She’ll respect you more and her desire grade for you will go up because she knows you’re busy and knows you’re still seeking her in that busy life. And on the occasions you do jump at the invitation that she makes, make sure that they’re invitations where she does the planning, looking for something amazing to take you to, planning she has to invest in seeking what you want to do and what will excite you. Don’t let it be for a movie on the couch and some mac and cheese for dinner.
You work hard to offer her interesting choices, hold her to that same standard.
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The facts, in short:
1. From January 2008 to January 2010, I became very close friends with Jane while working at the same office. She had a long-term boyfriend the entire time.
2. January 2010, she breaks up with him. February 2010, I ask her out, she tries to gently let me down and then dates someone else.
3. April 2010, new guy dumps Jane. Jane is devasttaed. Jane suddenly shows significant interest in my life. I reciprocate. After many mixed signals, I ask her out again, and she tells me she’s not ready.
4. I’m angry, so I pay zero attention to her over the next 4 months. She still sends me an email or text every so often. I decide I want to call her out on her bullsh*t and talk about it. We get drunk, have a great time and I ask her out, again. She tentatively says yes, but says she is worried about hurting my feelings. I tell her not to worry. At the end of the night, I try to kiss her, and she gives me the cheek.
Is this a classic C level desire level? Should I even be going on this date? Obviously I want her more than anything, and I still want to go if there’s any chance of me getting what I want.
Desperately needing help,
-Lost