Rules of Initiation

One aspect of dating that is ignored by most males is initiating: who should initiate what, and when.  When a male violates the rules of initiation, he can quickly disrupt a woman’s high desire grade level, causing it to plummet faster than one can imagine.

Since all of these initiation tasks should have an article of their own, I will focus on covering each specific activity with future articles, linking to those articles from this main cover-all post.

The Man’s Job

The man should initiate in the following areas the majority of the time:

• A man should initiate asking out the woman for real future dates.
• A man should initiate strong physical intimacy (kissing, sex, etc).
• A man should initiate new questions in conversations
• A man should initiate non-verbal admiration (catching her glance and holding her eyes)
• A man should initiate, and keep, a smile on his face
• A man should initiate when it’s time to end a date
• A man should initiate when it’s time to end an online conversation (text messaging thread, instant messaging, e-mail thread)

The Woman’s Job

The woman should initiate in the following areas the majority of the time:

• A woman should initiating openly fantasizing about future dates
• A woman should initiate weak physical intimacy (holding hands, casual non-sexual body touches)
• A woman should initiate online conversation (text messaging, instant messaging, emails)
• A woman should initiate verbal admiration (“I love you” or “You look handsome”)
• A woman should initiate physical presence (facing her body towards the man, watching/looking at the man)
• A woman should initiate the broadcast of a desire for strong physical intimacy (lick her lips, look at his lips, show her desire for sex, etc)

Many of these rules may seem counterintuitive.  Women might actually push back against them if they read them, but it’s important to understand that a woman’s conscious mind and subconscious mind can be battling to the extreme.  It’s a key element of what makes a man that he knows how to lead the relationship in a way that is best for the woman’s heart, not necessarily her mind.  It’s also a key element that a woman knows how to show a man her highest desire grade based on how he treats her and how he composes himself, even if some of his actions may cause her to consciously be frustrated.

A woman wants to chase a man a little bit.  If she loses that ability, she’ll consider him a doormat and her desire grade level will plummet, possibly forever.  By acting like a man should, he gives her the opportunity to give as much chase as she needs, and he gets confirmation of her high desire grade level because of his ability to gauge her interest through non-verbal cues and signals.

Remember: these list are about who should initiate these areas primarily.  It’s ok to violate the rules on occasion, but the majority of initiations should follow this task list.  If they don’t, you’re either blowing it, or her desire grade level towards you has sunk beyond recovery.

Related posts:

1. Smiling and finishing last: a primer
2. Next Step: Non-Intimate Physical Contact
3. Next Step: Responding to your Conversation Initiations
4. The Duality of a Woman’s Brain