Never accept tentative dates

January 7, 2010 by ABDada · Leave a Comment

Even though I hold to this hard rule most of the time, I still fall victim to letting my guard down and getting hurt, even before a relationship has a chance to stand on its own. It’s a rule that I reinforce all the time with men asking for help in dating: never accept a tentative date from a woman.

Women will use different Ladyjargon to set up a tentative date, one that isn’t actually set in stone. She’ll say stuff like “Let’s pencil in next Thursday” or “I think I’m free on Thursday but I’ll confirm the morning of.” This means she doesn’t care enough about seeing you to actually make solid plans. Worse, she may be keeping you on the backburner as a possible backup, or a backup to another backup that she likes more.

Women will quickly deny this and say more Ladyjargon like “Maybe she’s waiting on an important job phone call” or “What if she really is unsure if she’s free?” That’s good talk there, but it’s still garbage. Women don’t even know they’re saying that trash most of the time.

Let’s consider those two defensive positions. If she might get an important job phone call, then she should just stay home until she gets that call. She should actually be a woman and tell you she wants to see you but her job phone call is really important. And if she’s not sure if she’s free means she will always be unsure with you about her schedule. Disorganized females are bad people to date.

She's "too busy" for you

The reality is that she’s not into you enough to actually look forward to a date, be it a first date or a 50th one. Women with a high desire grade level of at least a B- will always want to see you. If their desire grade is high enough, she’ll cancel plans she already has with others to see you if you propose a specific night. Women with a low desire grade level, a C+ or less, will prefer to make tentative plans just in case the guy she likes better asks her out, or if her favorite show on TV isn’t a rerun, or if she decides she’d rather do laundry than deal with you for a few hours.

You’re better than laundry, or a TV show, or the other guy, right? And if she likes you enough, she should mark that date down on he calendar with a permanent marker. If her dating life is secondary to an important phone call for a job she interviewed for, or any other situation, she should be focusing on that and then you should be the first person she calls after her situation is resolved. It’s better to let her know you encourage whatever it is she’s waiting for, and that you’d be happy to make concrete plans once her schedule is resolved.

A hawk-man doesn’t date tentative women, he dates women who want to spend time with him. It’s healthy for a woman to have things she has to do with her life, but if she’s uncertain about what is more important to her, you’ll be the one sitting and waiting way too often. Women who can make up their minds, one way or the other, are the ones you want to chase, the ones you want chasing you. It’s better to know she has something to do so you can make other concrete plans.

It’s important to realize that not accepting a tentative date is not the same as playing games. Women appreciate, both consciously and subconsciously, men who are goal-oriented and driven. Part of chasing a goal is know if that goal is even attainable, and being able to walk away from even months of work if you realize the goal is impossible. Because women often have a strong desire not to hurt a man’s feelings, they’re not necessarily being evil when they’re actively putting you on the backburner, they’re just trying to spare your feelings. By making yourself available only for concrete plans, you’re showing her that you’re goal-oriented, and that you’re not interested in her if she’s not that interested in you.

Just because a date is concrete doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. Read into her body language and even what words she uses in order to gauge her desire grade towards you. If she says she’s excited to see you, that’s an A or B grade. If she says she’s willing to see you, how would you grade that? For me, that’s a B- at best, and possibly a solid C. Remember, Ladyjargon isn’t always confusing, sometimes her use of it is subtle. She wants to spare your feelings, but you should be more focused on sparing your time from what can be a great waste of effort.