Asking about her dating and sexual history
January 21, 2010 by ABDada · Leave a Comment
I’ve been on a lot of dates in my life, first dates, second dates, 50th dates. I’ve been married unsuccessfully (due to breaking all my own rules!), I’ve had amazing long term relationships and wonderful spring flings. Something that always amazes me, even about myself, is how curious men can be about the past relationships of the women we’re interested in, the women we date.
It’s now a rule of mine, a strong rule, to try to not inquire at all into her past. For us guys, the only thing that matters is that she has a high desire grade for us, and that she has no venereal diseases that might effect us. Beyond that, numbers don’t matter. Whether she’s dated 500 guys or slept with 500 guys, none of that effects the rules I set forth in this blog and in my book.
The key is to realize one thing: if she has a high desire grade level for you, you’re doing things right. Maybe she’s gone through an entire village of men before you, but the fact that you have her now and you’re keeping her intrigued with your mystery and your availability (or lack thereof, specifically). Don’t worry about her past.
In situations where she’s worried about your past, not being the one to inquire about hers gives you a leg up. If she asks you “How many women have you slept with?” the proper answer is “You have a past, I have a past, and none of that matters to us now, does it?” It’s important to remember this even if something as casual as their last failed relationship comes up. That relationship failure led you to to the point where you wanted someone else in your lives, and that’s your and her, right? Our pasts brought us to our present, and our present leads us into our futures.
That’s another important fact: what matters more about keeping score is not how many guys she’s been with before you, but how many guys she’ll be with after you. You want that number to be zero, right? Then work on the rules, the regulations, and at keeping her desire grade towards you ultra-high. Don’t bring up your past girlfriends, even the good ones. Don’t ask about her past boyfriends, especially the bad ones. If she’s so busy thinking about you all the time, wanting to see you constantly, and having a blast every time you do give her the chance to spend time with you, she won’t be thinking about those exes, so neither should you.
If it’s early in the relationship and she hasn’t brought up wanting to be exclusive, you probably are spending too much time with her to begin with. Dating isn’t a numbers game, it’s a lifestyle of experience. Just because you have one non-exclusive girlfriend in your life doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be putting yourself out there more and experiencing more than just one woman. The best case scenario here is that you meet someone better, and think even less about your concerns over her dating or sexual history.
When you find one who really catches your eye, and whose eye you catch, you won’t be thinking about how many times she’s had sex or dinner with other guys, you’ll be thinking of ways to get her to think about how many times she’ll want to do those things with you for a long time to come.
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