Smiling and finishing last: a primer
May 28, 2011 by ABDada · Leave a Comment
Recent headline news around the web are pointing to a research paper titled “Happy Guys Finish Last: The Impact of Emotion Expressions on Sexual Attraction” by Jessica L. Tracy and Alec T. Beall of the University of British Columbia. The pair of researchers concluded that women gauge sexual attraction more from a guy who is showing a somber, brooding or dark mood over a guy who is smiling and happy. The paper (PDF link here) creates from the relatively large study’s a conclusion that really can’t be ignored: happy guys fall to the bottom of the sexual attraction scale in the minds of many women. Over the many years I’ve tracked my own dating results and also spoken with likely thousands of gals and guys about dating, I would also conclude the research study’s conclusion.
The paper doesn’t dig deep enough into the duality of a woman’s mind, though, to weed out why this is the case. They allude to the idea that people who smile are showing feminine attributes (bad in men, good in women), and that women tend to want the bad boy who they think/hope can be changed (“fixed”), but this doesn’t dig into the why part of their conclusion: what is going on in a woman’s mind when she picks the brooding and dark guy over the happy guy?
In order to dig deeper, we have to first look at the duality of the woman’s mind: their logical brain versus their subconscious brain. The subconscious female’s brain is where women subconsciously come up with their Ladyjargon questions and statements, those subtle pokes and prods that confuse most men, and can easily lower a lady’s Desire Grade Level if answered incorrectly (or even answered at all). The logical brain, on the other hand, is the false front that most women put on that acts completely contrary to what her subconscious brain wants: the lies she speaks when she says verbally she wants a “nice guy” (but sleeps with a roster of Vultures: rock stars, tattoo artists and socially challenged professors), or the uneventful long term relationships she has with a Chicken while pining and waiting for a Hawk (and ending the relationship when she meets a Vulture who throws her 5 seconds of attention).
It’s very important to ignore 100% of the logical brain responses from women: they’re lying not only to you, but to themselves. Some will say that “lying” is too harsh, but there’s no other word to define the garbage spewed when a woman is put into logical brain mode. Even when she’s trying to commit to telling someone a truthful response, she’ll still give off non-verbal signals and cues that point to the fact that subconsciously she doesn’t mean what she is actually saying out loud. It’s a tricky situation, even for men who understand the duality of the woman’s brain, but with knowledge and practice and the forming of proper habits, every guy can turn into a Hawk in a short period of time.
After reading all of the news articles regarding this study, and reading and re-reading the short 8-page PDF for a week, the question of “what is a guy to do?” is answered pretty easily: don’t be obvious about anything, not verbally and not physically. Obviousness in a male sets up a subconscious alert in the mind of woman where she feels like she’s won something over you. Even if offering her an obvious answer doesn’t doormat you completely in her subconscious mind, it will definitely open her inner eye to looking for more screw ups you might do that prove to her that you’re not the strong, challenging, determined man she wants and needs in her life (subconsciously). That inner brain is always working to prove that you’re not worthy of her, and you only prove that by being obvious.
Looking at the research results, we see that women prefer brooding guys over happy guys, but women equally prefer prideful men to brooding men. That full smile is easily returned to a powerful look with a smirk or half-smile rather than a frown or an angry face. Practice that half-smile and force your habits to stop with the happy face that causes women to find you feminine rather than masculine. Sometimes when I have a full smile on in public (hey, I’m a happy guy), I’ve had random women walk up to me and demand to know why I’m so happy. I was never able to convert their initiation of conversation into a date. On the other hand, when I’ve been lost in thought at a store or coffee shop and had a woman walk past and smile at me, a smirk or crooked smile has a huge success rate in getting her attention (usually a stronger smile back with stronger eye contact), which has been a consistent tool used to open up conversation long enough to get a date out of her.
In an article from 2010, I tell guys to (half)-Smile More, Talk Less. Where I fail in that article (now updated, with more to come) is that it’s not about actively smiling like a mentally short-circuited guy, it’s about displaying some emotion half-way rather than not at all (or worse, overly displaying one that is easily discerned). Women have that need to dig into a guy to see what he’s about, but when they dig and discover, their Desire Grade Level drops. So put off her discovery by making her wonder what it is about you that you want and need, but don’t let her consistently discover the answers. When she wonders, it means she’s thinking about you, and when a woman thinks about a man, it raises her Desire Grade Level, sometimes into stratospheric levels.
To put it simply: what you show on your face should get random women and women you know wondering what exactly is on your mind. A full on smile will confirm to her an answer: he’s happy. That’s not good, because it gives her an answer. Showing no emotion is better, but showing a half-cocked emotion gets her inner brain spinning because she doesn’t have a clue if you’re happy or sad or angry or lost in thought. Not giving her the answers she wants is actually helping fulfill her need to prove that you’re no doormat.
Related posts:
