Ladyjargon: Let’s take things slow

I love ladyjargon, but more than anything, I love the Facebook private messages I’ve been getting lately asking me very detailed questions about the relationship ruts some of you men are in.  It’s these very questions that keep my mind looking for new answers, and it is a pleasure to help transform a chicken-man into a hawk-man, sometimes just over the course of a few replies.

Three Facebook friends asked me basically the same question in the past week: they met women that they’re head-over-heels about (meaning the guys have an A+ desire grade level towards the woman) and they don’t know how to handle themselves.  In all 3 situations, the guys told the women they want to see them more, and the women all agreed.

But…

The women also said they want to take things slowly.  What does take things slow mean?  When a woman says something that you think might be ladyjargon (meaning you’re confused by her words), there’s an easy way to immediately decipher if it is: ask yourself if you’ve ever heard a woman say the opposite.  Have you ever dated a woman that said “Let’s take things quickly”?  Of course you haven’t.  That means “Let’s take things slowly” is ladyjargon of the worst sort.

A woman wanting to move slowly is saying that in response to something you’ve said or some action you’ve given that she knows you like her way more than she likes you.  That’s not a dealbreaker, though, you just need to turn the tables if it’s possible.  Once she knows you’re crazy about her, she’ll know that she’s beginning to have ownership over you.  I used to talk about dogs when this came up: women who want ownership buy a dog, and men who want women buy a dog.  We’re different creatures, men and women.

I need you to look back at your phone conversations, emails, text messages: what did you say (or do) that caused her to fear that you like her way too much, too soon?  What caused her to subconsciously feel ownership over you?  In words, you can blow your mystery by saying things like “I really like you” or “I can’t stop thinking about you.”  She doesn’t need to hear it, and she doesn’t want to hear it.  She wants to wonder if you do.  Women love the stress of wondering if a man likes her enough, it’s what sells make-up and push-up bras.  Stop saying that stuff, immediately.

In actions, a woman can subconsciously start ownership over a man just by knowing she can look at her phone or email inbox and see an unread message from him.  Here’s a little trick (as close to playing games as I get) to calm your heels: look at how long it takes her to respond to an email or text message from you, and then take 50% longer.  Did you write her a text message and she took 8 hours to respond?  Take 12 hours yourself.  Did you send an email reply immediately back and she didn’t write back for a day?  Take a day and a half when she writes.

My female friends pine about men who don’t respond instantly.  They go through these hilarious stories in their heads (“He likes someone better” or “He’s not thinking about me enough.”)  It sounds mean to let a woman fester there in her own worry, but guess what, guys?  Women love festering in stress and worry.  It causes them to be better women.  If a woman worries, she creates stories and situations in her head.  Maybe you’re also dating Jessica Alba.  When a woman has these unfounded stories in her head, her subconscious mind wants to erase them, so she will have her desire grade towards you skyrocket, she’ll start asking questions about you (which you will answer vaguely and turn the questions around on her), she’ll be more receptive to your initiated emails and texts.

Speaking of emails and texts, you shouldn’t be initiating them as often as you are.  If you’re initiating more than 49% of emails and texts, there’s another problem.  Let her show you her high desire grade when she texts you first, when she emails you first, a majority of the time you communicate.  If she’s not doing it at least 51% of the time, her desire grade level is below a B- and you have ZERO hope for recovery.

Finally, the death knell of what “taking things slow” means: she means she wants to move slower with you than with a guy she really likes.  She doesn’t want to lead you on because she’s guilty, but she’s also lonely so she doesn’t want to get rid of you.  She’ll take things just slow enough that you’ll stick around, but the minute a better guy shows up, she’ll replace the horse-and-carriage she’s riding with you with the space rocket she wants to ride with the new guy, the guy who brings mystery and worry to her mind.

It might be too late to turn her desire grade around, but it might not be.  Hold yourself back in the ways I detailed, and see if she comes around.  If she doesn’t, you’ve saved yourself months of pining and phone calls and dinners and nights you could be spending on a woman who is crazy about you.

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