Ladyjargon: I’m not looking for a relationship right now
January 27, 2010 by ABDada · Leave a Comment
Ladyjargon can sometimes be spoken by men and women, but even terms that are used by both seem to be primarily used by women. Recently I heard from two men that women they went out with a few times told them that they weren’t looking for a relationship right now. Sadly, the men made the mistake of continuing to take the women on dates, buying them food and drinks and tickets to shows.
It’s important to get a grasp on the source of some ladyjargon: guilt. I’ve spoken with hundreds of women about guilt, and most of the time guilt-inspired ladyjargon comes from an honest heart, not from a desire to hurt someone. Socially it is very difficult for a woman to ask a man out, but it is even more difficult for a woman to tell a man she is not interested in him: now or ever. Even if you’ve been dating a woman for months or years, when her desire grade level falls below a B- (the lowest point where the relationship can still have hope for a bright future), she’ll still keep a man around because her guilt won’t allow her to break up with him.
When you look at the economic truths of dating, you see that a woman with even a D-level desire grade will still keep a man around because what he offers her is still more valuable than the fear of her being single and alone. It’s when someone new comes into her life then the final push to the F-level desire grade happens and her ability to overcome guilt sets in. She finally overcomes that guilt and breaks up with the man.
When a woman tells you that she’s not looking for a relationship, it is almost always in response to something you asked of her. This is a huge mistake: you shouldn’t be showing your cards and letting her know how much you desire her, not in words. When you back move to using words to describe your feelings, you end up giving her a lower desire grade because she knows she’s beginning to have ownership over you. The most important step to prevent hearing she’s not looking for a relationship (with you) is to watch her signals and body language, monitor how often she initiates conversations through phone or email or text, and get a sense of judging what her desire grade is.
With some women I have dated recently I had to break things off with because they didn’t like me enough from the start, or my mystery was dispelled for them early on and their desire grades plummeted. All were shocked when I said I was breaking off our relationship because of their low desire. Most argued even, telling me I was wrong. Months later though, when they were dating new men that they had an ultra-high desire grade for, they finally realized I was right in ending things. It’s amazing at how much guilt can cause a woman to otherwise ignore the need to end things, which is why you have to follow the rules and monitor things regularly to make sure that she really does want you in her life.
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