Ladyjargon: I don’t look that pretty today

Most man-focused relationship experts will always talk about ladyjargon that is common to every dating column.  My first few ladyjargon phrases are common ones, too.  A quick Google search of them shows thousands of links.  I feel that it’s also important to cover other things women say that are all definitely ladyjargon phrases, but ones that other relationship experts ignore.

One of the most common ladyjargon phrases, and one that will bite you in the rear as a relationship ages and progresses is when a woman warns you in advance of seeing her that she doesn’t look pretty today.  I’ve heard it myself and rarely do I do anything about it, so this article is as much for me as it is for you.

The first thing to look at when a woman says “I look run down today” is to consider why she even said it.  What was the stimulus for you and her meeting?  Did you propose a last minute date with her?  Did she ask to see you immediately because she misses you?  Either way, what sign is she sending you subconsciously, and once that standard is set, how will it effect you in the future?

When a woman has a high desire grade for you, she will force herself to look as pretty as she can: she’ll wash her hair, she’ll put on makeup, she’ll dress in a way that makes her feel attractive.  When she knows her outside is gorgeous, her inside will shine, too.  Ever get a car wash weeks after it should have been done and just feel better about being in your car?  That’s the same as a woman putting on makeup and doing up her hair: she knows she looks great, so she’ll feel great.

This is one of those areas that I’ve gotten yelled at by insecure women for years for saying, but a woman who tells a guy she doesn’t look pretty before he sees her is a woman who is angling for ownership of that man.  She likes him, but she’s tired of making herself pretty for him, and she needs a sign that she’s beginning to show ownership over him so that she can start cutting back on the prettying work.  Once she has her hooks in him in terms of ownership, she knows she has gotten to a stage where she can work less to keep him interested.

Is this what you want?  Let’s look at what it means: once she knows your desire grade to her is high, she can let her desire grade fall since she’s winning her own little dating game.  It’s true: you like her alot, so what she looks like isn’t an issue, right?  Once you let that tiny snowball roll down the hill, it’ll grow so quickly that the next thing you know, she’s 30lbs heavier, sitting on the couch chomping on potato chips, her hair a mess, going out with you in her sweatsuit with no makeup on.  That’s what you want, right?

This ladyjargon is one you have to put an end to immediately, and then halt it the moment it rears its ugly head.  If you decide to make spontaneous plans with a woman and she says “I don’t look very pretty today” you need to ask her immediately what it will take to look pretty.  Let her know that looks ARE important.  She knows they are, she just wants confirmation that you don’t care.  Show her that you do with a question like that.  If she says she’s too tired or lazy to get pretty, cancel the spontaneous date immediately.  I’ve said things like “Oh, if you’re tired/lazy let’s just reschedule for a night where you can be your normal self.”  Again, you’re putting the onus on her to keep being the woman she was when you met her.  If that was a fake woman, now is a good time to let her know softly that you have expectations.  Did she use false advertising to snag you?  If she did, here’s a lesson to her not to do that again, not to a real man.

Here’s something worse: what if you had plans a week in advance and she’s still too lazy or tired to get pretty?  That’s a sign of a low desire grade.  I don’t care if a woman worked 48 hours straight and had to tend to her dying great grandmother for the past 2 weeks, if Brad Pitt walked into her life and said let’s do lunch, she’d be curling her hair, dosing her face with plaster and latex paint, and finding a fresh pair of nylons to put on.  You’re not Brad Pitt, but she’s not Angelina Jolie, so she should still be putting forth the effort.

We’re not looking for a woman who is ALWAYS dressed up and investing hours into her look, we’re just looking for women who at least take the time to freshen up, apply some makeup, change her dirty clothes for clean ones, and running through the shower on occasion.  Sometimes it’s OK to tell a woman “Don’t invest hours in it, just throw on some new clothes and a little lipstick and I’ll be happy, this time” if she vomits the “I don’t look pretty today” ladyjargon.

Of course, there are times when a woman really doesn’t FEEL pretty, even when she tries.  She’ll do her hair up, put on makeup and try every outfit in her closet, leaving a pile of bodies of dresses and jeans on her bed.  This is normal for a woman, but it’s important that it isn’t so normal for her that she does it every time she gets pretty for her man.  We’re not talking about running from women who say they don’t look pretty on occasion, just the ones who either do it always (after looking gorgeous for the first few days) or use it as a crutch too often, hiding some baggage.

There are also occasions when it’s expected that a woman isn’t going to look manicured: if she’s sick, just after a workout at the gym, or when she wakes up next to you the next morning.  The latter is a great time to actually fall for her honest looks, especially if she’s the one you want to wake up next to for a long time.  Don’t let her chide herself if any of these acceptable reasons occur, just embrace her beauty and be understanding if she’s not able to get dolled up because of time issues or just feeling ill.  Still, even if she just left the gym or has a 101 fever, nothing should stop her from changing her clothes and putting on some Chapstick, right?

To me, a woman who pulls the “I don’t look pretty today” ladyjargon when a date has been planned in advance is a woman who gets to meet the backburner.  My response is “I can understand you’re busy, so let’s just skip on our plans so you can get the rest you need.”  Don’t say anything about rescheduling or seeing her in the future, just cancel and let her know that she should just take it easy.

You don’t want a woman who is looking to get out of prettying herself up for you, even if it’s just to see you for a sandwich.  Ask any married man what his biggest peeve is about his wife and it’s usually the same two things: she doesn’t want sex, and she doesn’t dress pretty.  Guess why she doesn’t want sex?  It’s because she has no reason to look sexy, she owns that poor sap.

You’re not playing games here, you’re allowing her to keep the precedent she started when you first met her.  If she wants to false advertise, let her do it with the chicken-men she dates and then gets bored of by the end of the second date.  A woman shows you her desire grade partially through how much time she invests in making you desire her.  When it comes to sex, a woman’s sex drive can be ignited initially by her own knowledge that she looks sexy on the outside.  If she’s wearing sweatpants when she goes out with you, her sex drive is either zero, or she’s just a lazy person who will be an anchor on your life.

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