Delivering curiosity towards her life

January 23, 2010 by ABDada · Leave a Comment

One of the most mysterious things I’ve discovered in my dating life is the conundrum of mystery itself: a man who offers a woman mystery will be the only man that can get a high desire grade from that woman, and keep it there. The conundrum is that one action a man can do to create mystery (even if his life is humdrum and boring) is to inquire into the woman’s life, prompting her for more details and stories attached to what may seem like a humdrum and boring life of her own.

Women like to talk, they’ve been given the gift of gab. Men like to brag, we’ve been given a trait that can easily dispel a woman’s mystery in us, thereby lowering her desire grade towards us to below the breaking point. This is why it’s so important for a man to contain his own life’s details to a bare minimum, answering her own questions and prompts with as little information as possible while still turning her questions back to herself. When a woman asks me a question, I always consider that question a form of projection: maybe she wants me to ask her the same question focused on her life.

You’d be surprised at how quickly a woman’s desire grade for you can skyrocket just by being curious about her life, her job, how her day was or how she wants tomorrow to be. It’s easy to keep the focus on her just be picking up on details she offers in the stories she tells. It takes practice, but once you’re familiar with how a woman likes to lead a conversation, you’ll be an expert in no time in listening to her talk about herself and watching the smile that always forms on her face when she does.

Maybe she’s telling you about her day at work; throughout her story you may pick up on tiny prompts she’ll offer: where did she go for lunch, does she usually have meetings like the one she had, what is her office or cubicle like? Once her stories transition to the new tangent, you’ll get even more prompts there: what did she have for lunch, does she eat there often, if she could change the menu what would she change, etc.

When she takes a pause in talking about her own life, she may inquire into your life. Here’s where most men fail. If you answer the way you want to answer, you’ll be over-answering. She’ll get a subconscious sense of “winning” because she was able to dig information out about you with no work at all. There’s also a fine line between her getting easy information and her ears pounded about you through your bragging, which men tend to do subconsciously ourselves. It’s important to back off from being too detailed about yourself. If you feel the urge to give her strong details to answer her question, instead try to hold back and give the lightest details possible, and then turn your own detail facts into questions for her.

Maybe she asked you what your position is at your company. Instead of saying “Executive Vice President of Human Resources” or “Head Manager of Weekend Baristas” how about saying “I’m in management, what position would you like to strive for at your company?” You gave her the blandest of details (if she’s really interested, she’ll inquire further) and you gave her fodder for her to talk more about herself.

Over time, she’ll realize she doesn’t know a lot about you and might inquire more in the future, but her curiosity will skyrocket. You’ll be a mystery she wants to unwrap and unravel. If she attempts to unravel you in the future, just turn those questions around to her again and she’ll be satiated by you giving her opportunity to speak. She’ll forget her questions and that wonderful smile will return.

One last thing to mention: you’re going to screw up before you become a master at conversation with a woman. If you note this rule, though, you’ll know exactly when you screw up, and if you watch closely, you’ll actually see her desire grade drop when you do screw up. It’s the best education a man can have, screwing up: when you know how to watch for the signals, you’ll see how important it is to act like the man that she really wants you to be, rather than the man you think she does.