For me, I firmly believe that my life and lifestyle is firmly dictated by my genetic programming.  Humans have existed for a very long time on this planet, and while genetically we may have progressed, there’s plenty of reason for me to believe (and support, and live) the idea that we’re not that different from our ancestors tens of thousands of years ago.

The further I move from that Neanderthal lifestyle, the worse I look, feel and act.  The closer I follow what seems to be a primal man’s lifestyle, the better my life is in every way: health, relationships, sex, finance and goal reaching.

I considered the “goals” of the primal man: to eat, to protect himself and his community, to live a long life and have plenty of offspring, to have fun, to plan for rainy days, to have a clean and comfortable home, and to provide for his offspring so that they too can have as good of a life as him, if not better.  Since adulthood, I’ve tried to live this way without definition.  It just feels right.

Drilling down into each of these areas of a primal man’s life isn’t too hard.  When I find a struggle in life (rare, but it happens), I consider what the primal man may have done, and adapt my habits to reflect that.  More often than not, it works.  When I share these activities with other men in my life, it works for them, too.  It’s unscientific, but part of my social growth is about trying different theories and conjectures on myself and other men and then contemplate the gains or losses.

1. Eating as  a Primal Man. I am an avid follower of Mark Sisson’s Primal Blueprint lifestyle.  In terms of diet, it’s meat and fat based, with a severe reduction in carbohydrates.  That means plenty of steaks, pork, fish and some fowl, butter and lard, and a reduction in fruits and vegetables (but not completely).

It’s like the Atkins Diet on steroids, and it works — at 37 I am stronger and faster.  My sex drive is amazing (as is my stamina).  I’m happier and healthier is every monitored way.  I don’t have to work out more than twice a week, and I only work out for 20-30 minutes per session.  No more crazy cardio or running long distances, no more treadmills or Stairmasters.  Just some heavy weights, and an attention to good form.  Plus, a diet that satiates me all day long and doesn’t leave me hungry for modern snacks and that junk.

2. Protecting yourself and your community. Part of protecting yourself is part bodily health and part financial health.  The primal man of centuries ago had to be strong to defend himself from not just animal attacks, but also other men who wanted his tools, his family, his beasts of burden or land that he utilized.

Being strong isn’t hard — you can be strong just by working out at home two days a week, 20-30 minutes per day.  It’s unrealistic for a man today to be overweight and weak.  Also, being financially stable lends strength to your protective actions — if you need a tool or weapon, you can buy it.  If you need to flee for whatever reason, you can afford to.  If you need to build defenses into your homestead, the options are there.

3. Living a long life and having plenty of offspring. In order to live a long life, you need financial stability, health, and the ability to defend yourself.  This involves items #1 and #2.

Having plenty of offspring means have the sexual drive and stamina to reproduce, as well as having the hormonal balance your body needs to increase the chance of impregnation.  I don’t have children (yet), but I definitely can if I find the right person to mate with.  Still, staying in tip top sexual health is an important aspect of living the primal man’s lifestyle.

Sex also provides for many different areas of your life, from physical health to mental clarity to emotional well-being.

4. Having fun. Enjoying the fruits of my labors is important to me, but I have rules that I live by in order to fully enjoy my entertainment.  Too many males go out and party even though they’ve done nothing positive for their lives.  Sometimes they do this because they’re bored or lonely or addicted.

For me, enjoying my free time includes sporting alone or with others, mental exercises in the form of games, leisurely sex, nights out at the bar or a nice restaurant, and even napping on occasion.   In order to maximize the outcome of one’s entertainment, the primal man knows he must be financially solid as well as physically healthy.  Giving yourself a night out after a successful day at the office or a completion of a goal is wise, but partying for no purpose can lead to lethargy, depression and addiction.

5. Planning for rainy days. Having contingency plans aren’t just an option, they’re a needed requirement.  With so many possible things that can happen, it’s important to consider as many possible problems you could face, and then come up with contingencies for those problems.  This involves being physically, mentally and financially healthy.

When you’re prepared mentally, financially and physically, a tidal wave for most males might be just a spring shower for you.  A primal man doesn’t get sad when something bad happens, he finds a solution and then works a little bit harder to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

6. Having a clean and comfortable home. In today’s society, bigger is considered better and shinier is considered superior.  This is false, all false.  A primal man is not about having the biggest or best of anything, just the minimum he needs to produce a profitable experience out of ownership of the item in question.

You don’t need a gorgeous Porsche if you can’t truly afford it.  You don’t need a McMansion 5000 square foot house unless you can use it all.  The biggest something is, the harder it is to maintain.  A nice sized apartment can be perfect for a single man, but what is inside the apartment matters more.

7. Providing for one’s offspring. If you don’t have children, you can still plan for the chance you might.  If you do have children, focusing on their futures is of as much importance as is how much time you spend with them.  A primal man prepares his sons for being primal men, and his daughters for meeting primal men who can provide and protect them.

I don’t care what “equal rights” movements say, but I believe a man should strive be the best man he can, and a woman should be the best woman she can be, in order to have the healthiest and easiest lives they can.  Being a good father matters to more than family, it matters to how you handle your employees and customers, your friends and lovers, too.

The purpose of this site is specifically to help men consider what it means to be a primal man, a hawk as I call it in some articles.  I focus on and plan to continue focusing on each of these parts of the primal man’s lifestyle.  This is what you need to aim for, males.  This is what will make many of you females happier, if your man is the best he can be for himself, and then for you.  If you don’t subscribe to my free email newsletter, sign up in the right sidebar so you can get each and every article.  I always appreciate your emailed questions or comments to each article, and you can also “friend” me on Facebook.

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For a male, money tends to be a stress more often than both poor and wealthy guys will admit to.  If it isn’t student loans or rent, it’s how he’ll afford the next date with a lovely lady, or how he’ll be able to swing the nifty new gadget he’s been eyeballing on an electronics site.  No matter your financial capacity, most guys are used to having some cash in their wallets, some cash in the bank, some funds invested in a 401K or IRA, and possibly a bunch of virtual dollars available on their credit card(s).  To me, these forms of money are not very good at calming our monetary concerns, which bleeds into us having concerns in other areas.

I’ll note again: having money won’t cure problems necessarily, but NOT having money can cause problems, or make past ongoing problems worse.  That’s why I’m going to recommend a new program for you men (and boys looking to become men): stashing away stacks of cash daily.

I do it, every day.  I’ve nicknamed my stacks of cash “stripper money”; not because I’m going to spend them at the strip club, but because having these stacks of dollar bills strips me of many stresses on a daily bases.  No matter how much cash I have available in my ATM account or IRA retirement fund, I can actively see, smell and feel these stacks every day, which reduces the worries I listed in the first article of this series.

I’m going to show you how, and why, you should start building your own stacks of cash.  It may sound goofy, but once you get on the program, you’re going to see a remarkable difference in your worries, whining and complaints moving forward.  Some of my protégés have noticed a difference after the first few days.

Step 1. You’re going to stop using your ATM, debit and credit cards for a short period of time.  Let’s say 15 days.  Don’t cut anything up or hide them in the freezer, just make a commitment to stop spending money you can’t actively see yourself spending.

Step 2. Know your budget well. If you haven’t scrawled a SIMPLE budget on a napkin or sheet of note paper, do so now.  How much money do you bring home a month, after taxes and deductions?  How much do you HAVE to spend a month to make all your bills (rent, mortgage, insurance, debt, utilities, etc)?  Don’t include food or other goods in this number.  Subtract the spending from the earning, and you’ll have your overall available income — the money you’ll spend on food and drink, dates and outings, toys and emergencies.

Step 3. Stop overpaying on your debt. Every financial expert in the world will tell you to pay down your highest interest rate credit cards the fastest, with more than the minimum.  I’m going to tell you that they’re all 100% wrong.  Debt doesn’t matter once you follow my program.  Just pay the minimum.  Since we won’t be using our credit cards for a little while, it’s not like you’ll be growing your debt, just paying it off as slowly as possible.

Step 4. Calculate your weekly spending allowance. Take your monthly available income number and divide it by 4.  Whatever that value is, withdraw it 100% in cash, $20 bills preferred.  Whether it’s $160 a week you have left over, or $2000, it doesn’t matter.  Take it all out of the bank, ATM, whatever.

Step 5. Start your normal spending habits, using the cash. Go to Starbucks if that’s your deal.  Go grocery shopping.  Go to the bars, go out on dates, go buy your video games, whatever it is.  Instead of flipping over your credit or debit card, you’re going to use the $20 bills.  Once you’ve received your change, take the $1 bills out of your total change received and shove them into a pocket by themselves.  The $5s and $10s can be put with your $20s to spend at your next outing or need.

Step 6. Go home at the end of the day and take our your $1 bills. Obsessively sort them so they’re face up and facing the same direction.  Put that stack, whether it’s 1 bill or 15, on a desk, nightstand, kitchen counter or coffee table.  Name that stack.  I call mine “stripper cash” as I’ve said, but some followers of BAM call theirs “Dr. Stax” or “Georges” or whatever.  Give it ANY name, but it has to have a name.

Step 7. Repeat your daily buying and spending using step 5 and step 6 every day.  As your pile of $1 bills grows, you’ll realize how quickly it is that you can actually put a few bucks aside every day and not actually need it.

Step 8. At the end of the week, deposit any non-$1 bills you have remaining into your checking or savings account.  Don’t touch that money again for regular spending habits.  Use it to pay down debt faster if you wish, or save it for life’s typical emergencies (new car tire, new suit for a job interview, etc).

One follower of BAM started in January of 2010.  His available spending money each month was a mere $410, or $102 a week.  At the end of every week, he had about 16 $1 bills added to the stack.  When I checked in with him 1 year later, his stacks (named “G-Dubs” for George Washingtons) totaled over $905.  Here’s a guy who a year earlier couldn’t rub 2 dimes together, let alone 9050 dimes.  This guy is still “broke,” but he has almost 20 stacks of 50 $1 bills laying around his place.  He slipped up once in the first few weeks and took a pile of $1 bills to a bar to spend.  He was embarrassed enough spending $1s and really hated seeing his stack cut short, so he didn’t mess up again.

Over time, you’ll find yourself striving to actually “earn” more singles than your typical spending.  If I go to the grocery store and my total is $19.83, I know I will receive no singles, so I’ll buy a pack of gum I like and get it to $20.91.  That’s 4-9 dollar bills I’ll be receiving when I turn over my $40 in larger bills.  Sometimes I’ll ASK for extra dollar bills over 1 $5 bill, just because I know it’s going to the stripper cash pile at home.  I love driving through a manned toll booth and flipping them a $20.  I’ve gotten back 4 singles, 9 singles, even 19 singles in change!  ”Stripper cash!” I always exclaim at that “lottery win” of singles that will get thrown on my piles.

Here’s the tricky part: you are not going to spend your stacks.  I don’t set a goal for when I can spend my stacks, I just let them grow.  You’ll screw up and take that nice pile of 72 $1 bills you saved up over time and blow it on something you didn’t need (or maybe on something you did need).  That friend is gone.  Dr. Stacks, G-Dub, Stripper Cash — they’ll leave the building and you’ll feel a loneliness or a deficiency that you’ve never felt seeing your bank account overdraft.  Virtual ATM cash is not real.  We can’t feel it and smell it.  It’s amazing what even 24 $1 bills in a neat pile on your desk can do to make you want to grow them.

When my bills total $50, I wrap them up in a strip of paper — plain white copy paper I trim down to 8.5″ long and about 1″ wide.  Wrap the stack, put a little tape on to hold the edges together, and throw that new pile onto the previous piles of 50 $1 bills wrapped nicely together.

So what’s the point of trying this for 15 days?  It isn’t to save up money for a vacation or a new TV or brand new tires for your car.  You’re just going to let it grow.  If after 15 days you don’t already feel a huge burden relieved, let me know.  I’d be interested in talking to you.

Next Friday, I’ll explain how having these stacks of cash will actually help reduce your worry, even though the money isn’t being saved for any particular purchase or spending.  For now, I just ask that you start on your 15 day virtual cash fast, and get that stack you’ve named growing, little by little or bunch by bunch.  It’s only 15 days, it won’t hurt you and you’ll be very surprised how much it will help.

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Over those 2 weeks, I copied and pasted the waaaaaaahhhmbulance posts by the males who I’m online friends with.  I didn’t care if it was major whining (“I really hate my job, hate my car, hate my apartment, hate my debt, hate Obama, and hate that I’m lazy”) to minimal whining (“I missed the bus, FML.”).  After 2 weeks, I sorted them by minor to major, and then decided to see what the solution for each and every problem was.  In order to protect the guilty, I’ve paraphrased what people said so that I can still write about this one solution that works for every male of every age, rank, status, privilege, race, sexual choice and relationship status.  I wrote a few one word answers to each one, and then looked over my list again to see what they all had in common.

I wasn’t shocked at the commonality between all of their whiny behavior.  It’s a problem many males have, and generally what separates the men from the boys, the leaders from the followers, those who succeed in all relationships and those who get walked on: having money.  Plain and simple, guys.

The women will always scream that the chase of money is a big problem with guys.  But I didn’t say the solution is to chase more money, I said the solution is having money.  Cold hard cash, in your pocket, on your desk, in your glove compartment, in your wallet.  Not a cash advance from Citibank or a loan from Chase; not a paycheck that will be coming in 3 days or a Paypal payment you received but haven’t withdrawn yet.  Actual cash.

I’ll explain as I break down the whining posts (the “waaaaaahhhhbulance”) why having money matters.  I’ll follow up today’s post next Friday with a post on how you actually CAN have money, why you SHOULD have money, and how you’re going to tackle this issue.  Once you follow that path, the whining will go away forever, and you’ll see a significant increase in your happiness and well-being.

Post #1: Complaining about work

One Facebook post from a male said “I can’t believe I’m here late again.  I don’t get paid enough to be here.”  He’s probably right, but he’s also wrong.  He’s not paying HIMSELF enough to secure the confidence he needs to always be looking for the next job.  Having a job is 50% of the way to getting a better job.  When you’re unemployed, it’s like being a single guy alone on a Friday night at a nice restaurant: you lose credibility.

One problem with even looking for a new job is the loss of confidence a male has when he’s also broke and in debt.  He’s afraid to put himself out there in case word gets back to his boss and he gets canned in advance of finding the next money machine.  The solution to this loss of confidence is simple: have money.  I’m not talking about having a 401K or a big credit limit, I mean having real money, that you can physically touch, not just stuff you can spit out of an ATM when needed.

My plan next week will explain how you can save up enough in a year to never have to fear losing your job ever again.  Once this fear is conquered, you will be driven to always be seeking the next better position.  A man is in control of his labors: no employer is more powerful than he is himself.  Most employees are plebeian in nature: the employers know they’re in control.  But in a market economy, both parties in a transaction have equal power: one supplies the capital for a transaction, the other supplies the product or labor.  Employees who aren’t afraid of losing their jobs are the most powerful people in the market.  They don’t answer to shareholders like the bigwig CEOs have to, and they surely don’t get spit on by a manager who isn’t worth working for.

Post #2: Complaining about travel, “I’m stuck in my apartment and it sucks.”

With the huge snow storm that swept through 2/3rds of the country, this complaint was everywhere.  Facebook was lit up for a solid week with photos of snow, photos of cars stuck in snow, and of course, the whining complaints of people who didn’t have the energy or drive to trudge through the white fluff to get to where they wanted or needed to be.  From males, it’s a ridiculous waste of time to complain about snow.  Get yourself a shovel, and go to work.  If you’re fat, you have even more reasons to stop whining on Facebook and start digging yourself out.  If you’re lean, go and burn some energy!  But the biggest problem isn’t weight or energy, it’s money yet again.

A man who lives in an environment with major snow or rainfall in the winter should be prepared for these events.  It isn’t a big deal to be ready when it hits, because a man with money is one who is ready to get himself out of the mess well before those who don’t have it.  Even if you take public transportation for work or groceries or dates, planning to drop a few $20s on cab rides for a week shouldn’t even be a concern.  It’s a non-issue.

Just like preparing financially yourself for finding a better job above, I’m going to give you advice on how to prepare yourself for bad weather, car problems, missing the bus or train, and more.    You’ll never have to whine again about the weather, and you might even find yourself happy like I was that the snow comes down.  Picture better crop in spring, brighter flowers, and more fields to do sprints in when the earth tilts itself for the next 2 seasons of fun coming up.

Post #3: The Love Interest, “Why do I bother with women anymore?”

Males who whine about their girlfriends, or lack of a love interest, really grate on me.  They’re my fingernails-on-a-chalkboard, my fly-in-the-soup.  It always shocks me when female friends tell me about their boyfriends who have nothing and are already in their late 20s.

Actually, it doesn’t shock me at all — these women also seem to LIKE being superior in every way to the boys they date, so it at least gives me solid ammo to shoot back when they’re whining to me.  How a male can even think about dating when he can’t rub 5000 dimes together is beyond me.  Those 2-5 nights a week you’re spending with her are nights you could be busting your tail as a barback or at a retail store earning a sweet commission, or working at a Starbucks for the evening crowd.  The idea sucks because sex sounds better than work, but where will it leave you in 5 years, 10 years?  In a worse place than you are today.  Dump the whiner, get a second and third job, and bust your tail for 1-2 years.  I’ll explain more next week in this case.

Now, why would money be the solution to your girlfriend issues?  Plain and simple: you have no need for a woman that makes you less than a man.  With money, we have the privilege to do things we want to do.  I love horseback riding (I generally do it by myself, but do like going out on dates with women on two equines), I love flying planes.  Military fighting is a great hobby, as is gun collecting (and shooting).  I travel very often for pleasure, for less money than you spend in $2 beers in a month.  I admire a huge, rare steak, and I have no issue consuming liquor if it’s the best money can buy.  A $30 glass of whiskey will last me all night and not get me drunk.  How are those 12 $2 PBRs treating you and that gut of yours?  Money is the solution to having issues with your love interest because it will not just get you out of your house, it will get you away from her so you can do things that fulfill your genes.  Being with the woman you love, lust, admire or appreciate every single day is beyond unhealthy.  Even if you live with her, you have to be doing more with yourself more often.

One nice thing about getting away from the she-beast is this: when you’re out having fun (with your cell phone OFF), her attraction to you will increase.  This will reduce the strains and pains that come from being in each other’s faces for ten hours a day, 7 days a week.  Take up golf, learn to play guitar at a music school, spend some time at the corner meat market learning about the best cuts of cow, etc.  Do it alone, and do it to make yourself a better man.  Her frustrations will actually go down, and you’ll stop with the damn whining.

Post #4: Politics, “I can’t believe that Ryan wants to increase the budget for basketweaving.”

Oh boy, the politics.  I’ve worked hard at not posting politics to my overall Facebook anymore.  In fact, since I’ve broken my Facebook friends into different lists, I now utilize those lists to post specific updates to.  If I have a political rant, I’ll post a status that can ONLY be seen by my friends in my Politics list.  That way, I don’t annoy the friends who don’t really care for my politics.

Still, my politic frustrations have dropped more and more as my available cash-on-hand piles have gone up.  I’ve discovered the secret to not worrying about legal matters: money.  If I get pulled over, money can get me out.  If I can’t get out, a lawyer can visit the court without me being present.  If I have an issue with a neighbor, a nice healthy donation to the moron city councilman or alderman in my neighborhood can do wonders.  You can’t change government for long because there are so many deadbeat males who want more of it.  They’re the guys who don’t want to work hard, either.  While you can’t change government, you CAN buy yourself what you need.  Government at every level is a corporation: cities, states, even the federal government is incorporated.  Corporations love money, and money will usually get you what you want.

I still hate government, but at least I know that I can buy what I need, when I need it.  So stop whining about changing government, and start building your stacks of cash so you can buy what you need, letting the proletariat punch their little voting ballots and succumbing to higher and higher restrictions on their lives.

Post #5: Health, “I have the biggest headache in the world.”

Whoa, here’s a doozy.  Males who get sick, or are lazy, or have no energy, or get hangovers, whatever the whining situation may be — you don’t have to do this.  I follow an 80/20 Primal/Atkins diet.  That’s 80% Primal Blueprint, 20% Atkins.  That means tasty meats, cheeses, meats, some veggies, meats, wine, meats, and even some meat.  Meat is healthy.  Cooking in lard is healthier than cooking in corn oil.

Eating like a neanderthal has done so much for me: cured my laziness, given me energy, helped me shed 50# of body fat, made my skin look younger, my hair shine, my sexual stamina is ridiculous (better than when I was 18 even), and I can’t stop finding new ways to expend all this energy.

Here’s a problem though: meat is expensive.  I think I know why my artist friends are all vegan: soy is the waste product of the universe, so it’s cheap to consume.  I won’t call it eating.  For women, I have no problem with their veganism or vegetarianism (in fact, 80% of women I’ve dated in the past 6 years were not carnivores at all), but I do have a huge issue with guys who don’t eat like the caveman that they are inside.

In order to eat healthy as a man, you have to have money.  Not open credit, not the GroupOn of the day, but cold hard cash.  I prefer grass-fed meat over factory farmed meat, not because of animal rights, but because it’s proven to be healthier.  It tastes better, too.  Grass-fed meat costs significantly more than factory farmed meat.  When it comes to snacks, throw me a handful of macadamia nuts over those Doritos, too.  Mac nuts are also expensive, around $11 a pound locally.  I’ll throw a few freeze dried sugar-free cranberries in there, but those cost a small fortune.  Still, I actually eat LESS being a Primal Blueprint follower because all of the (very very) healthy saturated fat keeps me satiated for hours.  I perform a weekly food fast and it makes a huge difference in energy and weight and muscle growth and happiness.  Plus I don’t get headaches or cramps or muscle aches or tension or stress.  It’s an endless loop once you get into that frame of living.  There’s no excuse for a man to have common health ailments, and even the big ones (heart disease, stroke, diabetes, etc) can be resolved often with eating primally.

Post #6: Toys, “I really want the new iPhone in white.”

Boys love their toys.  I know I do, although I am selective.  A passive aggressive form of whining is posting toys we want on our Facebook.  I do this often, so I’m very guilty of it.  Let’s agree to stop this behavior and doing something better: let’s buy our toys, and keep them a secret from the masses online.  No one cares what you or I want except for us.  Why do we post links?  Because we don’t have the money to buy those items.  When I want something, I buy it.  When I can’t buy it, I post about it.  This needs to end, boys.  Let the things you can’t afford give you pause to realize that your stacks of cash aren’t big enough to go out and buy it.

Once you buy it, don’t brag about it.  Hide it as best as you can.  It’s your toy, don’t share it.  You worked hard for it, your friends have other priorities.  Let them post about wanting it, but you know  that as a man, you can have what you really want, whenever you want it.

One small thing: you CAN have too many toys.  Toys tend to keep us inside, cooped up, creating less incentive for us to expand our horizons.  Before buying a new toy, ask yourself if your stacks of cash are better spent on doing things away from the home, the love interests, the family and friends and work environment.  I’d prefer to see men who are out doing something fun rather than sitting on the couch playing another video game.

Post #7: Boredom, “I have nothing to do tonight, maybe I’ll just play Super Legends 6.”

How can a man be bored in this day and age?  One issue, I think, is that we don’t do enough to occupy ourselves.  I’m against video game systems, but for going to the arcade.  I use Netflix but am starting to cut back, instead I prefer to get out and visit a theater.

I’ve even reduced my music consumption (both buying and streaming) and motivated myself to get more live music time, and not just in crowded sweaty bars.  I can travel 4000 miles to Los Angeles next weekend, with airfare, hotel and food, for $600.  Boredom should never be in a man’s life.

If you’re bored, grab a stack of cash and do something interesting.  Don’t just go to a bar, go to a bartending class.  Don’t run over to a love interest’s house to sit on her couch, grab her and run to the auto parts store and show her how to change her oil (I mean this literally, the figurative part comes after she helps you wash off the oil on your body).  Don’t just sit on the phone with a friend, get together with them and force yourself into a part of town you’ve never visited before and see what’s out there.  You can’t do this if you don’t have the stacks of cash, though.  You’re limited.

In a week, we’re going to take the first major step to change that, to end your boredom forever.

Post #8: The Everything Complaint, “FML.”

Disgusting.  How a man could hate  himself enough to say “Fark My Life” in a serious way is beyond me.  I say it jokingly when a risk I take isn’t rewarded, but it’s a joke.

My life is good.  My friends are awesome.  I’ve dated some of the sweetest, most giving, most sexual, most intelligent, most beautiful and most fun women a man can date.  I’m so glad they’re in my life still in ways different than when we were together as lovers.  I have a great home (two or three, actually).  My truck is having some issues, but they’re fixed in a week.  Life is good.  I think this post comes from a male who has all 7 of the other problems above.  All of them can be solved with a few dozen high stacks of loose cash laying around his abode.  Once a male gets to this stage of his life, it’s usually further downhill from here because he has no positive outlook.  I’m going to help you guys at #8 solve that next week.

Fixing things.

It doesn’t matter if you’re 17 or 77.  It doesn’t matter if you wasted 4 years for a sheet of paper under glass on your wall or didn’t graduate high school.  It doesn’t matter if you work at ALDI part time or are a 7-figure pulling CEO.  None of that matters.  You CAN get rid of the waaaaaaaahhhhbulance, and you can start it in 1 week from today.

Stay tuned.

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For most people who are hurt in some way by a phone company, a retail store, the cable company, a utility company or a bank (plus many other companies), the first thing most people threaten is to stop doing business with that firm.  This is absolutely the WORST threat you can make.  In some ways, a company wants to get rid of a complaining customer because they don’t want to deal with future issues.

My rule is simple: call customer service and record the full details of who you are talking to at every step of the conversation.  Make them understand that you’re writing down their information.  Ask for their name, their direct phone number and extension, their customer service ID and any other information that might be necessary.  Sometimes I’ll ask if there’s a specific call center I should call to reach them, or if they have a manager’s name, phone number and extension.  Then write this information down (I prefer to type it so they can hear me typing).  I’ll specifically say “Please wait a moment while I type this information out.”  Then do it.

If they don’t offer you a solution that is what you want, considering the time you’re investing looking for a solution, tell them what you want.  You can say “I want a full refund of the overdraft fees immediately” or “I want the next month of my cable service credited back immediately.”  If they agree, tell them that you will want confirmation of this through email, postal mail, or a confirmation number over the phone.  If they don’t agree, tell them that you are adamant about getting a resolution that compensates you for your time.

Most of the time, customer service representatives will give you an excuse like “I don’t have the power to do that” or “We don’t do that for anyone.”  This is a lie.  They’re negotiating with you to try to get their firm a better deal.  Everyone in customer service wants to fend for themselves, it’s part of the business.

If they still won’t help you get a resolution that is good for you, remind them of the following:

1. You have their name and extension and you have plenty of time in the coming weeks to continue calling them and requesting a resolution that is fair.  You’ll be more than happy to let them go talk to a manager today and you’ll call back tomorrow and on future dates to follow up until there is a resolution.
2. You’re unhappy, but you want to use their service for the future, and you will not stop requesting a better resolution.
3. If they still won’t give you what you want, request that you are transfered to the next level of service there is, whether it’s a manager or a level 2 customer service representative.

Do NOT let them “call you back” ever.  If they want to transfer you, tell them before they do that you need the next higher up person’s direct phone number, extension, department, and possibly their name.  Ask for a moment to type this information in and do it.

If you get to another level of service, repeat the same steps: get their name, their department, their call center, their direct phone number, extension and their customer service ID if any.  Repeat exactly what you said to the previous person or persons: you are not going to end using their firm for service, but you demand a resolution that is amiable to your needs and the time you’re investing.  For every step I have to move up the customer service chain, I request additional free months or compensation.  If this person won’t help you, ask for the next level.  Do not accept a return phone call, explain that you are too busy for phone calls and you want the solution resolved now, or that you will continue to call back until you receive a resolution.

Eventually, you’ll find someone who will help.  In my friend’s case, he spoke with the branch manager at the bank who was able to instantly and immediately refund his overdraft charges and fees.  It took him some time, but he was able to do it all on one phone call.  If he had said he wanted to close his account, they would’ve happily closed it and kept his fees.

Remember: you are not just their customer, you are their boss.  You pay for their paychecks, and if they don’t give you results that compensate you for your time and frustration, you’re going to keep calling and asking them for an update until you get what you want.  The longer it takes, the more you’re going to want.  Don’t waste your time with stupid threats about “quitting” the firm, invest your time to get the best resolution that is possible.

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