One of the most common ladyjargon phrases, and one that will bite you in the rear as a relationship ages and progresses is when a woman warns you in advance of seeing her that she doesn’t look pretty today.  I’ve heard it myself and rarely do I do anything about it, so this article is as much for me as it is for you.

The first thing to look at when a woman says “I look run down today” is to consider why she even said it.  What was the stimulus for you and her meeting?  Did you propose a last minute date with her?  Did she ask to see you immediately because she misses you?  Either way, what sign is she sending you subconsciously, and once that standard is set, how will it effect you in the future?

When a woman has a high desire grade for you, she will force herself to look as pretty as she can: she’ll wash her hair, she’ll put on makeup, she’ll dress in a way that makes her feel attractive.  When she knows her outside is gorgeous, her inside will shine, too.  Ever get a car wash weeks after it should have been done and just feel better about being in your car?  That’s the same as a woman putting on makeup and doing up her hair: she knows she looks great, so she’ll feel great.

This is one of those areas that I’ve gotten yelled at by insecure women for years for saying, but a woman who tells a guy she doesn’t look pretty before he sees her is a woman who is angling for ownership of that man.  She likes him, but she’s tired of making herself pretty for him, and she needs a sign that she’s beginning to show ownership over him so that she can start cutting back on the prettying work.  Once she has her hooks in him in terms of ownership, she knows she has gotten to a stage where she can work less to keep him interested.

Is this what you want?  Let’s look at what it means: once she knows your desire grade to her is high, she can let her desire grade fall since she’s winning her own little dating game.  It’s true: you like her alot, so what she looks like isn’t an issue, right?  Once you let that tiny snowball roll down the hill, it’ll grow so quickly that the next thing you know, she’s 30lbs heavier, sitting on the couch chomping on potato chips, her hair a mess, going out with you in her sweatsuit with no makeup on.  That’s what you want, right?

This ladyjargon is one you have to put an end to immediately, and then halt it the moment it rears its ugly head.  If you decide to make spontaneous plans with a woman and she says “I don’t look very pretty today” you need to ask her immediately what it will take to look pretty.  Let her know that looks ARE important.  She knows they are, she just wants confirmation that you don’t care.  Show her that you do with a question like that.  If she says she’s too tired or lazy to get pretty, cancel the spontaneous date immediately.  I’ve said things like “Oh, if you’re tired/lazy let’s just reschedule for a night where you can be your normal self.”  Again, you’re putting the onus on her to keep being the woman she was when you met her.  If that was a fake woman, now is a good time to let her know softly that you have expectations.  Did she use false advertising to snag you?  If she did, here’s a lesson to her not to do that again, not to a real man.

Here’s something worse: what if you had plans a week in advance and she’s still too lazy or tired to get pretty?  That’s a sign of a low desire grade.  I don’t care if a woman worked 48 hours straight and had to tend to her dying great grandmother for the past 2 weeks, if Brad Pitt walked into her life and said let’s do lunch, she’d be curling her hair, dosing her face with plaster and latex paint, and finding a fresh pair of nylons to put on.  You’re not Brad Pitt, but she’s not Angelina Jolie, so she should still be putting forth the effort.

We’re not looking for a woman who is ALWAYS dressed up and investing hours into her look, we’re just looking for women who at least take the time to freshen up, apply some makeup, change her dirty clothes for clean ones, and running through the shower on occasion.  Sometimes it’s OK to tell a woman “Don’t invest hours in it, just throw on some new clothes and a little lipstick and I’ll be happy, this time” if she vomits the “I don’t look pretty today” ladyjargon.

Of course, there are times when a woman really doesn’t FEEL pretty, even when she tries.  She’ll do her hair up, put on makeup and try every outfit in her closet, leaving a pile of bodies of dresses and jeans on her bed.  This is normal for a woman, but it’s important that it isn’t so normal for her that she does it every time she gets pretty for her man.  We’re not talking about running from women who say they don’t look pretty on occasion, just the ones who either do it always (after looking gorgeous for the first few days) or use it as a crutch too often, hiding some baggage.

There are also occasions when it’s expected that a woman isn’t going to look manicured: if she’s sick, just after a workout at the gym, or when she wakes up next to you the next morning.  The latter is a great time to actually fall for her honest looks, especially if she’s the one you want to wake up next to for a long time.  Don’t let her chide herself if any of these acceptable reasons occur, just embrace her beauty and be understanding if she’s not able to get dolled up because of time issues or just feeling ill.  Still, even if she just left the gym or has a 101 fever, nothing should stop her from changing her clothes and putting on some Chapstick, right?

To me, a woman who pulls the “I don’t look pretty today” ladyjargon when a date has been planned in advance is a woman who gets to meet the backburner.  My response is “I can understand you’re busy, so let’s just skip on our plans so you can get the rest you need.”  Don’t say anything about rescheduling or seeing her in the future, just cancel and let her know that she should just take it easy.

You don’t want a woman who is looking to get out of prettying herself up for you, even if it’s just to see you for a sandwich.  Ask any married man what his biggest peeve is about his wife and it’s usually the same two things: she doesn’t want sex, and she doesn’t dress pretty.  Guess why she doesn’t want sex?  It’s because she has no reason to look sexy, she owns that poor sap.

You’re not playing games here, you’re allowing her to keep the precedent she started when you first met her.  If she wants to false advertise, let her do it with the chicken-men she dates and then gets bored of by the end of the second date.  A woman shows you her desire grade partially through how much time she invests in making you desire her.  When it comes to sex, a woman’s sex drive can be ignited initially by her own knowledge that she looks sexy on the outside.  If she’s wearing sweatpants when she goes out with you, her sex drive is either zero, or she’s just a lazy person who will be an anchor on your life.

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“Oh, Kyle, you’re so handsome, but you’re also a genius, and that frightens me.”

It’s important to see that it is ladyjargon, because if a woman had a high desire grade level for Kyle here, she’d say “You’re so handsome, but you’re also a genius!  I love that about you.”

Pulling apart ladyjargon never requires a back story, because it almost always comes from the same place inside of women: their guilt over not liking someone enough, and their fear of hurting guys by being honest.  I’ve told women some harsh things in my life when I’ve turned them down, but I was honest.  Honesty is the key to a solid hawk-man.

The “you’re cute but you’re too smart” comes in a variety of terms.  I’ve heard men get “You’re cute but you’re so busy at work” or “I really like you and find you handsome but I think you’re into sports too much.”  There’s alway a but, and that but is their exit as to why it will not work now.  It also means it will never work.  There’s a SMALL chance that she actually used ladyjargon as a pathway to get your attention in hopes you’ll give chase, which I’ll detail at the end of this post.

When it comes to a woman saying you’re too good at something, it’s her showing you the cards she should keep closer to her chest, but doesn’t.  A man who is a genius or too smart is also a man who won’t act like a doormat for her.  Some women want submissive men, men they can walk all over, men they can treat like throwaways.  These women are also professional serial daters: they date men until the men are beaten into submission and ownership by the women, and then they throw them away.  They do it over and over.

Some of these women say for decades that they’re looking for Mr. Right, but by the time they hit their 30s they never change.  Soon they’re in their 40s and 50s, with dozens of men fallen along the path, out of time and money they used to present themselves as a show-wiping carpet outside of that woman’s door.

Can a man be too smart, or too driven to work, or too funny?  Can a man be too much of a smooth talker, or too busy with friends or have too much money?  No, he can’t.  When women lower their desire grade level to a man they’re dating, it’s always because he’s not intellectual enough, he’s not funny, he doesn’t focus on his career, he doesn’t know how to please her with his smooth conversation, he’s too available and has no other friends, or he’s always broke.

Kyle’s lady friend who told him he’s too smart should have said “Kyle, you’re so good looking, but you’ll never get on your knees and lick my boots.”  No, Kyle, you won’t.  Nor will you chase this one, because she obviously has something she needs from the men she’s going to walk all over, like all the men she’s walked all over before you.  Good job seeing her for what she meant!

There is still the other side: that she used confusing ladyjargon to try to bait you into chasing her.  If she’s attractive, and if she’s someone you’d like to get to know, I say at least get her phone number and give her a call in a week or so.  Ask her out (don’t spent more than 5-10 minutes on the phone).  If she brings up the “You’re too smart for me” ladyjargon, just tell her that you know you’re way too smart, but you also know you’re way too funny and you’re great company, and that’s why you’re asking her out on a date rather than any other women you met that night.  Let her take your bait, and then let her chase you.

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Three Facebook friends asked me basically the same question in the past week: they met women that they’re head-over-heels about (meaning the guys have an A+ desire grade level towards the woman) and they don’t know how to handle themselves.  In all 3 situations, the guys told the women they want to see them more, and the women all agreed.

But…

The women also said they want to take things slowly.  What does take things slow mean?  When a woman says something that you think might be ladyjargon (meaning you’re confused by her words), there’s an easy way to immediately decipher if it is: ask yourself if you’ve ever heard a woman say the opposite.  Have you ever dated a woman that said “Let’s take things quickly”?  Of course you haven’t.  That means “Let’s take things slowly” is ladyjargon of the worst sort.

A woman wanting to move slowly is saying that in response to something you’ve said or some action you’ve given that she knows you like her way more than she likes you.  That’s not a dealbreaker, though, you just need to turn the tables if it’s possible.  Once she knows you’re crazy about her, she’ll know that she’s beginning to have ownership over you.  I used to talk about dogs when this came up: women who want ownership buy a dog, and men who want women buy a dog.  We’re different creatures, men and women.

I need you to look back at your phone conversations, emails, text messages: what did you say (or do) that caused her to fear that you like her way too much, too soon?  What caused her to subconsciously feel ownership over you?  In words, you can blow your mystery by saying things like “I really like you” or “I can’t stop thinking about you.”  She doesn’t need to hear it, and she doesn’t want to hear it.  She wants to wonder if you do.  Women love the stress of wondering if a man likes her enough, it’s what sells make-up and push-up bras.  Stop saying that stuff, immediately.

In actions, a woman can subconsciously start ownership over a man just by knowing she can look at her phone or email inbox and see an unread message from him.  Here’s a little trick (as close to playing games as I get) to calm your heels: look at how long it takes her to respond to an email or text message from you, and then take 50% longer.  Did you write her a text message and she took 8 hours to respond?  Take 12 hours yourself.  Did you send an email reply immediately back and she didn’t write back for a day?  Take a day and a half when she writes.

My female friends pine about men who don’t respond instantly.  They go through these hilarious stories in their heads (“He likes someone better” or “He’s not thinking about me enough.”)  It sounds mean to let a woman fester there in her own worry, but guess what, guys?  Women love festering in stress and worry.  It causes them to be better women.  If a woman worries, she creates stories and situations in her head.  Maybe you’re also dating Jessica Alba.  When a woman has these unfounded stories in her head, her subconscious mind wants to erase them, so she will have her desire grade towards you skyrocket, she’ll start asking questions about you (which you will answer vaguely and turn the questions around on her), she’ll be more receptive to your initiated emails and texts.

Speaking of emails and texts, you shouldn’t be initiating them as often as you are.  If you’re initiating more than 49% of emails and texts, there’s another problem.  Let her show you her high desire grade when she texts you first, when she emails you first, a majority of the time you communicate.  If she’s not doing it at least 51% of the time, her desire grade level is below a B- and you have ZERO hope for recovery.

Finally, the death knell of what “taking things slow” means: she means she wants to move slower with you than with a guy she really likes.  She doesn’t want to lead you on because she’s guilty, but she’s also lonely so she doesn’t want to get rid of you.  She’ll take things just slow enough that you’ll stick around, but the minute a better guy shows up, she’ll replace the horse-and-carriage she’s riding with you with the space rocket she wants to ride with the new guy, the guy who brings mystery and worry to her mind.

It might be too late to turn her desire grade around, but it might not be.  Hold yourself back in the ways I detailed, and see if she comes around.  If she doesn’t, you’ve saved yourself months of pining and phone calls and dinners and nights you could be spending on a woman who is crazy about you.

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It’s important to get a grasp on the source of some ladyjargon: guilt.  I’ve spoken with hundreds of women about guilt, and most of the time guilt-inspired ladyjargon comes from an honest heart, not from a desire to hurt someone.  Socially it is very difficult for a woman to ask a man out, but it is even more difficult for a woman to tell a man she is not interested in him: now or ever.  Even if you’ve been dating a woman for months or years, when her desire grade level falls below a B- (the lowest point where the relationship can still have hope for a bright future), she’ll still keep a man around because her guilt won’t allow her to break up with him.

When you look at the economic truths of dating, you see that a woman with even a D-level desire grade will still keep a man around because what he offers her is still more valuable than the fear of her being single and alone.  It’s when someone new comes into her life then the final push to the F-level desire grade happens and her ability to overcome guilt sets in.  She finally overcomes that guilt and breaks up with the man.

When a woman tells you that she’s not looking for a relationship, it is almost always in response to something you asked of her.  This is a huge mistake: you shouldn’t be showing your cards and letting her know how much you desire her, not in words.  When you back  move to using words to describe your feelings, you end up giving her a lower desire grade because she knows she’s beginning to have ownership over you.  The most important step to prevent hearing she’s not looking for a relationship (with you) is to watch her signals and body language, monitor how often she initiates conversations through phone or email or text, and get a sense of judging what her desire grade is.

With some women I have dated recently I had to break things off with because they didn’t like me enough from the start, or my mystery was dispelled for them early on and their desire grades plummeted.  All were shocked when I said I was breaking off our relationship because of their low desire.  Most argued even, telling me I was wrong.  Months later though, when they were dating new men that they had an ultra-high desire grade for, they finally realized I was right in ending things.  It’s amazing at how much guilt can cause a woman to otherwise ignore the need to end things, which is why you have to follow the rules and monitor things regularly to make sure that she really does want you in her life.

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