One of the most common ladyjargon phrases, and one that will bite you in the rear as a relationship ages and progresses is when a woman warns you in advance of seeing her that she doesn’t look pretty today.  I’ve heard it myself and rarely do I do anything about it, so this article is as much for me as it is for you.

The first thing to look at when a woman says “I look run down today” is to consider why she even said it.  What was the stimulus for you and her meeting?  Did you propose a last minute date with her?  Did she ask to see you immediately because she misses you?  Either way, what sign is she sending you subconsciously, and once that standard is set, how will it effect you in the future?

When a woman has a high desire grade for you, she will force herself to look as pretty as she can: she’ll wash her hair, she’ll put on makeup, she’ll dress in a way that makes her feel attractive.  When she knows her outside is gorgeous, her inside will shine, too.  Ever get a car wash weeks after it should have been done and just feel better about being in your car?  That’s the same as a woman putting on makeup and doing up her hair: she knows she looks great, so she’ll feel great.

This is one of those areas that I’ve gotten yelled at by insecure women for years for saying, but a woman who tells a guy she doesn’t look pretty before he sees her is a woman who is angling for ownership of that man.  She likes him, but she’s tired of making herself pretty for him, and she needs a sign that she’s beginning to show ownership over him so that she can start cutting back on the prettying work.  Once she has her hooks in him in terms of ownership, she knows she has gotten to a stage where she can work less to keep him interested.

Is this what you want?  Let’s look at what it means: once she knows your desire grade to her is high, she can let her desire grade fall since she’s winning her own little dating game.  It’s true: you like her alot, so what she looks like isn’t an issue, right?  Once you let that tiny snowball roll down the hill, it’ll grow so quickly that the next thing you know, she’s 30lbs heavier, sitting on the couch chomping on potato chips, her hair a mess, going out with you in her sweatsuit with no makeup on.  That’s what you want, right?

This ladyjargon is one you have to put an end to immediately, and then halt it the moment it rears its ugly head.  If you decide to make spontaneous plans with a woman and she says “I don’t look very pretty today” you need to ask her immediately what it will take to look pretty.  Let her know that looks ARE important.  She knows they are, she just wants confirmation that you don’t care.  Show her that you do with a question like that.  If she says she’s too tired or lazy to get pretty, cancel the spontaneous date immediately.  I’ve said things like “Oh, if you’re tired/lazy let’s just reschedule for a night where you can be your normal self.”  Again, you’re putting the onus on her to keep being the woman she was when you met her.  If that was a fake woman, now is a good time to let her know softly that you have expectations.  Did she use false advertising to snag you?  If she did, here’s a lesson to her not to do that again, not to a real man.

Here’s something worse: what if you had plans a week in advance and she’s still too lazy or tired to get pretty?  That’s a sign of a low desire grade.  I don’t care if a woman worked 48 hours straight and had to tend to her dying great grandmother for the past 2 weeks, if Brad Pitt walked into her life and said let’s do lunch, she’d be curling her hair, dosing her face with plaster and latex paint, and finding a fresh pair of nylons to put on.  You’re not Brad Pitt, but she’s not Angelina Jolie, so she should still be putting forth the effort.

We’re not looking for a woman who is ALWAYS dressed up and investing hours into her look, we’re just looking for women who at least take the time to freshen up, apply some makeup, change her dirty clothes for clean ones, and running through the shower on occasion.  Sometimes it’s OK to tell a woman “Don’t invest hours in it, just throw on some new clothes and a little lipstick and I’ll be happy, this time” if she vomits the “I don’t look pretty today” ladyjargon.

Of course, there are times when a woman really doesn’t FEEL pretty, even when she tries.  She’ll do her hair up, put on makeup and try every outfit in her closet, leaving a pile of bodies of dresses and jeans on her bed.  This is normal for a woman, but it’s important that it isn’t so normal for her that she does it every time she gets pretty for her man.  We’re not talking about running from women who say they don’t look pretty on occasion, just the ones who either do it always (after looking gorgeous for the first few days) or use it as a crutch too often, hiding some baggage.

There are also occasions when it’s expected that a woman isn’t going to look manicured: if she’s sick, just after a workout at the gym, or when she wakes up next to you the next morning.  The latter is a great time to actually fall for her honest looks, especially if she’s the one you want to wake up next to for a long time.  Don’t let her chide herself if any of these acceptable reasons occur, just embrace her beauty and be understanding if she’s not able to get dolled up because of time issues or just feeling ill.  Still, even if she just left the gym or has a 101 fever, nothing should stop her from changing her clothes and putting on some Chapstick, right?

To me, a woman who pulls the “I don’t look pretty today” ladyjargon when a date has been planned in advance is a woman who gets to meet the backburner.  My response is “I can understand you’re busy, so let’s just skip on our plans so you can get the rest you need.”  Don’t say anything about rescheduling or seeing her in the future, just cancel and let her know that she should just take it easy.

You don’t want a woman who is looking to get out of prettying herself up for you, even if it’s just to see you for a sandwich.  Ask any married man what his biggest peeve is about his wife and it’s usually the same two things: she doesn’t want sex, and she doesn’t dress pretty.  Guess why she doesn’t want sex?  It’s because she has no reason to look sexy, she owns that poor sap.

You’re not playing games here, you’re allowing her to keep the precedent she started when you first met her.  If she wants to false advertise, let her do it with the chicken-men she dates and then gets bored of by the end of the second date.  A woman shows you her desire grade partially through how much time she invests in making you desire her.  When it comes to sex, a woman’s sex drive can be ignited initially by her own knowledge that she looks sexy on the outside.  If she’s wearing sweatpants when she goes out with you, her sex drive is either zero, or she’s just a lazy person who will be an anchor on your life.

Related posts:

1. Ladyjargon: Let’s take things slow I love ladyjargon, but more than anything, I love the...
2. Ladyjargon: You’re cute but you’re too smart A Facebook reader sent me a private message about a...
3. Ladyjargon: I’m not looking for a relationship right now Ladyjargon can sometimes be spoken by men and women, but...

“Oh, Kyle, you’re so handsome, but you’re also a genius, and that frightens me.”

It’s important to see that it is ladyjargon, because if a woman had a high desire grade level for Kyle here, she’d say “You’re so handsome, but you’re also a genius!  I love that about you.”

Pulling apart ladyjargon never requires a back story, because it almost always comes from the same place inside of women: their guilt over not liking someone enough, and their fear of hurting guys by being honest.  I’ve told women some harsh things in my life when I’ve turned them down, but I was honest.  Honesty is the key to a solid hawk-man.

The “you’re cute but you’re too smart” comes in a variety of terms.  I’ve heard men get “You’re cute but you’re so busy at work” or “I really like you and find you handsome but I think you’re into sports too much.”  There’s alway a but, and that but is their exit as to why it will not work now.  It also means it will never work.  There’s a SMALL chance that she actually used ladyjargon as a pathway to get your attention in hopes you’ll give chase, which I’ll detail at the end of this post.

When it comes to a woman saying you’re too good at something, it’s her showing you the cards she should keep closer to her chest, but doesn’t.  A man who is a genius or too smart is also a man who won’t act like a doormat for her.  Some women want submissive men, men they can walk all over, men they can treat like throwaways.  These women are also professional serial daters: they date men until the men are beaten into submission and ownership by the women, and then they throw them away.  They do it over and over.

Some of these women say for decades that they’re looking for Mr. Right, but by the time they hit their 30s they never change.  Soon they’re in their 40s and 50s, with dozens of men fallen along the path, out of time and money they used to present themselves as a show-wiping carpet outside of that woman’s door.

Can a man be too smart, or too driven to work, or too funny?  Can a man be too much of a smooth talker, or too busy with friends or have too much money?  No, he can’t.  When women lower their desire grade level to a man they’re dating, it’s always because he’s not intellectual enough, he’s not funny, he doesn’t focus on his career, he doesn’t know how to please her with his smooth conversation, he’s too available and has no other friends, or he’s always broke.

Kyle’s lady friend who told him he’s too smart should have said “Kyle, you’re so good looking, but you’ll never get on your knees and lick my boots.”  No, Kyle, you won’t.  Nor will you chase this one, because she obviously has something she needs from the men she’s going to walk all over, like all the men she’s walked all over before you.  Good job seeing her for what she meant!

There is still the other side: that she used confusing ladyjargon to try to bait you into chasing her.  If she’s attractive, and if she’s someone you’d like to get to know, I say at least get her phone number and give her a call in a week or so.  Ask her out (don’t spent more than 5-10 minutes on the phone).  If she brings up the “You’re too smart for me” ladyjargon, just tell her that you know you’re way too smart, but you also know you’re way too funny and you’re great company, and that’s why you’re asking her out on a date rather than any other women you met that night.  Let her take your bait, and then let her chase you.

Related posts:

1. Ladyjargon: I don’t look that pretty today Most man-focused relationship experts will always talk about ladyjargon that...
2. Ladyjargon: I’m not looking for a relationship right now Ladyjargon can sometimes be spoken by men and women, but...
3. Ladyjargon: Let’s take things slow I love ladyjargon, but more than anything, I love the...

Three Facebook friends asked me basically the same question in the past week: they met women that they’re head-over-heels about (meaning the guys have an A+ desire grade level towards the woman) and they don’t know how to handle themselves.  In all 3 situations, the guys told the women they want to see them more, and the women all agreed.

But…

The women also said they want to take things slowly.  What does take things slow mean?  When a woman says something that you think might be ladyjargon (meaning you’re confused by her words), there’s an easy way to immediately decipher if it is: ask yourself if you’ve ever heard a woman say the opposite.  Have you ever dated a woman that said “Let’s take things quickly”?  Of course you haven’t.  That means “Let’s take things slowly” is ladyjargon of the worst sort.

A woman wanting to move slowly is saying that in response to something you’ve said or some action you’ve given that she knows you like her way more than she likes you.  That’s not a dealbreaker, though, you just need to turn the tables if it’s possible.  Once she knows you’re crazy about her, she’ll know that she’s beginning to have ownership over you.  I used to talk about dogs when this came up: women who want ownership buy a dog, and men who want women buy a dog.  We’re different creatures, men and women.

I need you to look back at your phone conversations, emails, text messages: what did you say (or do) that caused her to fear that you like her way too much, too soon?  What caused her to subconsciously feel ownership over you?  In words, you can blow your mystery by saying things like “I really like you” or “I can’t stop thinking about you.”  She doesn’t need to hear it, and she doesn’t want to hear it.  She wants to wonder if you do.  Women love the stress of wondering if a man likes her enough, it’s what sells make-up and push-up bras.  Stop saying that stuff, immediately.

In actions, a woman can subconsciously start ownership over a man just by knowing she can look at her phone or email inbox and see an unread message from him.  Here’s a little trick (as close to playing games as I get) to calm your heels: look at how long it takes her to respond to an email or text message from you, and then take 50% longer.  Did you write her a text message and she took 8 hours to respond?  Take 12 hours yourself.  Did you send an email reply immediately back and she didn’t write back for a day?  Take a day and a half when she writes.

My female friends pine about men who don’t respond instantly.  They go through these hilarious stories in their heads (“He likes someone better” or “He’s not thinking about me enough.”)  It sounds mean to let a woman fester there in her own worry, but guess what, guys?  Women love festering in stress and worry.  It causes them to be better women.  If a woman worries, she creates stories and situations in her head.  Maybe you’re also dating Jessica Alba.  When a woman has these unfounded stories in her head, her subconscious mind wants to erase them, so she will have her desire grade towards you skyrocket, she’ll start asking questions about you (which you will answer vaguely and turn the questions around on her), she’ll be more receptive to your initiated emails and texts.

Speaking of emails and texts, you shouldn’t be initiating them as often as you are.  If you’re initiating more than 49% of emails and texts, there’s another problem.  Let her show you her high desire grade when she texts you first, when she emails you first, a majority of the time you communicate.  If she’s not doing it at least 51% of the time, her desire grade level is below a B- and you have ZERO hope for recovery.

Finally, the death knell of what “taking things slow” means: she means she wants to move slower with you than with a guy she really likes.  She doesn’t want to lead you on because she’s guilty, but she’s also lonely so she doesn’t want to get rid of you.  She’ll take things just slow enough that you’ll stick around, but the minute a better guy shows up, she’ll replace the horse-and-carriage she’s riding with you with the space rocket she wants to ride with the new guy, the guy who brings mystery and worry to her mind.

It might be too late to turn her desire grade around, but it might not be.  Hold yourself back in the ways I detailed, and see if she comes around.  If she doesn’t, you’ve saved yourself months of pining and phone calls and dinners and nights you could be spending on a woman who is crazy about you.

Related posts:

1. Ladyjargon: You’re cute but you’re too smart A Facebook reader sent me a private message about a...
2. Ladyjargon: I don’t look that pretty today Most man-focused relationship experts will always talk about ladyjargon that...
3. Ladyjargon: I’m not looking for a relationship right now Ladyjargon can sometimes be spoken by men and women, but...

It’s important to get a grasp on the source of some ladyjargon: guilt.  I’ve spoken with hundreds of women about guilt, and most of the time guilt-inspired ladyjargon comes from an honest heart, not from a desire to hurt someone.  Socially it is very difficult for a woman to ask a man out, but it is even more difficult for a woman to tell a man she is not interested in him: now or ever.  Even if you’ve been dating a woman for months or years, when her desire grade level falls below a B- (the lowest point where the relationship can still have hope for a bright future), she’ll still keep a man around because her guilt won’t allow her to break up with him.

When you look at the economic truths of dating, you see that a woman with even a D-level desire grade will still keep a man around because what he offers her is still more valuable than the fear of her being single and alone.  It’s when someone new comes into her life then the final push to the F-level desire grade happens and her ability to overcome guilt sets in.  She finally overcomes that guilt and breaks up with the man.

When a woman tells you that she’s not looking for a relationship, it is almost always in response to something you asked of her.  This is a huge mistake: you shouldn’t be showing your cards and letting her know how much you desire her, not in words.  When you back  move to using words to describe your feelings, you end up giving her a lower desire grade because she knows she’s beginning to have ownership over you.  The most important step to prevent hearing she’s not looking for a relationship (with you) is to watch her signals and body language, monitor how often she initiates conversations through phone or email or text, and get a sense of judging what her desire grade is.

With some women I have dated recently I had to break things off with because they didn’t like me enough from the start, or my mystery was dispelled for them early on and their desire grades plummeted.  All were shocked when I said I was breaking off our relationship because of their low desire.  Most argued even, telling me I was wrong.  Months later though, when they were dating new men that they had an ultra-high desire grade for, they finally realized I was right in ending things.  It’s amazing at how much guilt can cause a woman to otherwise ignore the need to end things, which is why you have to follow the rules and monitor things regularly to make sure that she really does want you in her life.

Related posts:

1. Ladyjargon: You’re cute but you’re too smart A Facebook reader sent me a private message about a...
2. When you’re hurt, don’t threaten to end a relationship Not all my advice is about dating, and many of...
3. Ladyjargon: I don’t look that pretty today Most man-focused relationship experts will always talk about ladyjargon that...

Women like to talk, they’ve been given the gift of gab.  Men like to brag, we’ve been given a trait that can easily dispel a woman’s mystery in us, thereby lowering her desire grade towards us to below the breaking point.  This is why it’s so important for a man to contain his own life’s details to a bare minimum, answering her own questions and prompts with as little information as possible while still turning her questions back to herself.  When a woman asks me a question, I always consider that question a form of projection: maybe she wants me to ask her the same question focused on her life.

You’d be surprised at how quickly a woman’s desire grade for you can skyrocket just by being curious about her life, her job, how her day was or how she wants tomorrow to be.  It’s easy to keep the focus on her just be picking up on details she offers in the stories she tells.  It takes practice, but once you’re familiar with how a woman likes to lead a conversation, you’ll be an expert in no time in listening to her talk about herself and watching the smile that always forms on her face when she does.

Maybe she’s telling you about her day at work; throughout her story you may pick up on tiny prompts she’ll offer: where did she go for lunch, does she usually have meetings like the one she had, what is her office or cubicle like?  Once her stories transition to the new tangent, you’ll get even more prompts there: what did she have for lunch, does she eat there often, if she could change the menu what would she change, etc.

When she takes a pause in talking about her own life, she may inquire into your life.  Here’s where most men fail.  If you answer the way you want to answer, you’ll be over-answering.  She’ll get a subconscious sense of “winning” because she was able to dig information out about you with no work at all.  There’s also a fine line between her getting easy information and her ears pounded about you through your bragging, which men tend to do subconsciously ourselves.  It’s important to back off from being too detailed about yourself.  If you feel the urge to give her strong details to answer her question, instead try to hold back and give the lightest details possible, and then turn your own detail facts into questions for her.

Maybe she asked you what your position is at your company.  Instead of saying “Executive Vice President of Human Resources” or “Head Manager of Weekend Baristas” how about saying “I’m in management, what position would you like to strive for at your company?”  You gave her the blandest of details (if she’s really interested, she’ll inquire further) and you gave her fodder for her to talk more about herself.

Over time, she’ll realize she doesn’t know a lot about you and might inquire more in the future, but her curiosity will skyrocket.  You’ll be a mystery she wants to unwrap and unravel.  If she attempts to unravel you in the future, just turn those questions around to her again and she’ll be satiated by you giving her opportunity to speak.  She’ll forget her questions and that wonderful smile will return.

One last thing to mention: you’re going to screw up before you become a master at conversation with a woman.  If you note this rule, though, you’ll know exactly when you screw up, and if you watch closely, you’ll actually see her desire grade drop when you do screw up.  It’s the best education a man can have, screwing up: when you know how to watch for the signals, you’ll see how important it is to act like the man that she really wants you to be, rather than the man you think she does.

Related posts:

1. Your domestic life is a mess, Part I You’re dating, right?  Or you want to date.  Or you’ve...
2. Romance versus Ownership A regular reader of BAM here asked me a pretty...
3. B-level Desire Grade When it comes to assessing a woman’s desire grade level...

Let me ask you a few questions:

1. What is more romantic: saying “I love you” constantly, or catching the eyes of your lover and seeing them immediately smile and hold the glance?
2. What is sexier: going to bed and finding your woman rolled away facing the wall, or having her touch your body with an unrequested backrub or arm caress while watching a movie?
3. What makes you happier: an expensive gift on Christmas morning that you hinted at for months, or an unexpected stare followed by “Wow you’re really handsome?” when she sees you after a sweaty and frustrating day at work?

All those questions are simple to answer.  It’s not always actions and it’s not always words that are romantic, sexy and smile-inspiring.  It’s a combination of body language, words and context of both.

I won’t speak about romance too often because most guys have no clue what really is romantic.  They think a bouquet of flowers on Valentine’s Day is romantic, or saying “I love you” back to a woman repeatedly might be romantic.  In most cases, they wouldn’t know romance if it smacked them in the face.  They watch the same Hollywood movies, with their engineered soundtracks and their engineered plots, and they “feel good” at the romance on the screen.  Engineering romance doesn’t work, and neither do all the tricks that society pushes on us.  In the end, what someone truly feels inside is what is the most romantic.

Almost all men who date a woman more than 2 or 3 dates can figure out that the woman’s desire grade is high, at least a B.  Early on, all relationships have a little new relationship energy that makes us see past possible problems, hope for the next date, and think about the future.  After 3 dates, though, many relationships fall apart.  In all of these cases, I would put the blame squarely on the man.  He’s trying to speed up the relationship by acting romantically, and all he is doing is making the woman’s desire grade towards him plummet to cavernous levels.

Women play games in dating and love, most without knowing it.  The professional daters know their game, but the vast majority of amazing, attractive and responsible women have no clue.  It’s important for them to play these games subconsciously, because it helps them weed out the losers from the real men.  When the man moves forward to play their games, he’s adding himself to the loser list because he’ll be gone: whether it’s after date #2 or after 2 years of dating.

The game that women play is easy enough to understand: they either want to win by proving that their current guy is no different than the others, or they want to give up the game because they’ve found a man who continues to provide mystery, intrigue and chase for the woman.  That’s what women are missing in life: they want to wonder about their man, they want to be truly intrigued by his life (forever!) and they want to give a little chase to keep him happy.  Once a man shows a woman he’s satisfied with her, she’ll lose all 3 of these things.  Even worse, most men show they’re happy when the woman is doing nothing major to make him happy.  Women want to work hard for a man’s attention, but most men give up the moment they think they’ve in love.

Ownership is a simple word to define: the woman has the human equivalent of a puppy dog.  She’s hungry, he’ll fetch her food; she’s thirsty, he’ll bring her a drink; she’s bored, he’ll jump at the chance to come over and try to thrill her.  Maybe she’s dressed in her Saturday morning sweats with no makeup, unshowered for 2 days, and he’ll still paw at her like a dog in heat.  What’s the point of working hard if she owns that guy?  What’s the point of chasing if she’s already won?  The minute a new, interesting and mysterious man comes into her life, that D-level desire grade will fall to an F, and the guy will be flabbergasted at how he lost her.

It’s important for a man never to fall victim to a woman’s desire to own him.  It may take an entire lifelong relationship for him to prove to her that he’s still an individual, still mysterious and still intriguing to her, but it’s a lifelong relationship that will be full of chase, a high desire grade, and romance.  When a woman isn’t assured that she owns the man, she’ll act it out by actually doing things to attract him: she’ll dress better, spend time doing her hair and makeup every time he comes over, and push him with questions about what he’s been up to, who he’s been with, and what does he want.  This isn’t a game men play consciously, it’s a game women play subconsciously because if they don’t own you, they’re thinking of ways to get there.

That’s why keeping up with my rules is a lifelong task, even if you meet “the one” tomorrow and stay with her until you’re in your 90s.  The entire time you’re together, you want a beautiful woman who takes care of herself, provides you with your needs, pays attention to your life, and wants to actually be with you rather than just suffer through another month until another interesting man comes along, right?  You’re not going to get it if she knows she owns you.

Ignore your definition of romance; ignore your idea of what is romantic.  When you have a great woman, keep her interested by not divulging every single moment of your life to her, past or present.  Keep your life mysterious by downplaying your day, and focusing on hers.  Keep your intrigue up by staying out of her hair whenever she calls on you.

When you do make the time to see her, on your terms, that’s romance.  She knows you’re a busy guy, with friends and work and hobbies.  You’re making time to see her because you like her.  Distance makes the heart grow fonder, so keep yourself distant with real plans, and when you see her, it’ll be worth that much more to her.

When you are actually with her, your focus on her is what’s important, that’s romance.  You’re not checking your watch or your cell phone (keep both in the car).  Your eyes on on her, not on the gorgeous waitress who is flirting with you for a bigger tip.  Your conversations turn to her life, her goals, her dreams, what makes her happy.   If the conversation happenst to turn to you, you gently and discretely spin it back to focus on her.

When it comes to more physical intimacies, you approach her with your mouth, but she’s the one who sets the pace.  That’s romance.  You have no expectations, regardless of how many articles of clothing hit the floor.  Her eyes see your eyes.  Her hands feel your hands.  Her body feels your body, that’s romance.

Romance is not the gifts you buy, or the words you speak, or the plans you make, or the dinners you buy.  It’s not about you giving chase, or the compliments you give.  Romance doesn’t come out of your mouth, really.  It doesn’t come from your wallet.  It’s not about what you’re giving her always, but what you’re giving her that she desires from you.  The only way to get her to desire anything is to get her to think about you more often when you’re not around.

Most guys kill romance by being too available.  Even in marriage, their wives can count on them to be home at 5pm, with no plans outside of the home.  They’re bored.  There’s no mystery, nothing to wonder about.  That’s the key to romance, really: giving her all the actions that verify you love her without just doing things out of habit, or because you feel like you have to, or by using words to replace the actual actions that come more rarely than you’d read about in a romance novel.

Romance is not about satiating someone, it’s about providing something that isn’t obvious 24/7.  The moment she knows you’re thinking about her 24/7, she owns you.  Once she owns you, there’s no romance needed.  She’s won, even if in reality she’s lost.

Related posts:

1. The Domestic Wingman I’ve always said it to men who are back in...
2. Isn’t this just playing games? I’ve heard something on occasion from women I’ve dated: “Why...
3. You like her too much An interesting private message hit my Facebook today from someone...

Other women who have read my various books and blogs on this very subject will say the same thing: I’m teaching guys to play games.  Again, they’re wrong.  This is never about playing games, it’s about fulfilling what solid women want but will never consciously tell us guys.  It is rarely the man who initiates gameplay or provides tactics that keep a woman’s desire level high.  Women often times use their own doublespeak, or ladyjargon, that confuse us and make us stumble.  Subconsciously, women are the ones playing games, and they do so in order to win the game they’ve initiated by accepting our first date request.

I’ve been in relationships as a hawk where things were solid for months or even longer, but the moment I slipped up and accepted ladyjargon at its face value, I lost.  Her desire level plummeted immediately.  Subconsciously, she knew she won, and there was no point in continuing to chase me and stroke my ego and show me that she wanted me in her life.  That’s why I hit the road, that’s when I’m out.

Because ladyjargon is verbalized through subconscious action on the part of a woman, it is very important for a man not to fall victim to any of it, from the most common ladyjargon (“I wish more guys were like you”) to the rare outbursts of insanity (“I’m sad today”).  Preparing yourself for these games ahead of time by being confident in your action and your own desires is what keeps you from getting hurt and heartbroken when a woman says one thing, but then acts the complete opposite way if you follow her verbal advice.

There’s only one way to know if a woman’s desire level for you is strong: she shows it in action, never in words.  In order to keep that desire level high, we have to resort to the opposite of her game playing tactics, we have to defend ourselves by helping keep her desire level high.  Follow this advice and you’ll have one of two outcomes: she’ll want you in her life and actively show it in action, or she’ll show her true colors when her actions don’t match up to her ladyjargon.  If it’s the second case, consider yourself lucky when you tell her you’re out.

Related posts:

1. Don’t say sorry unless you mean it It’s easy to say “I’m sorry” when something you’ve said...
2. Ladyjargon: Let’s take things slow I love ladyjargon, but more than anything, I love the...
3. Never accept tentative dates Even though I hold to this hard rule most of...

Some “experts” will tell you to call or text a woman right away, but that’ll lead to big problems.  Strong and stable women want to be interested in the men they’re dating.  They want an edge of mystery.  I’d even go so far as to say that the best women to date are the ones who may actually sit and wonder if you’re seeing other women.  Why is that?  It means their desire level for you is extremely high.  If a woman doesn’t have a high desire for you, why would you want to be with her?

So when should a man call or text after a date?  When he’s ready to settle plans for the next date.

Just because the strong man, or hawk, is confident and self-assured, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t need an ego-stroke or external validation from the women he dates.  Getting a nice text message, phone call or email after a date from a woman should be required if a man wants to confirm that she holds a high level of desire for him.  Women who are silent after a date just don’t have high enough desire to contact a man and let him know they had a good time and want to see him again.

On the other hand, it’s very easy for a man to lose all hope with a woman and destroy her level of desire in him.  The chicken-man is the type of guy to send a text message to a woman 5 minutes after he drives away from her place.  He’ll text her repeatedly, even when she doesn’t respond right away.  He’ll not think of how important it is for a woman to miss him and wonder what he’s doing, instead thinking it wiser to let her know he’s safe and being good.  He’ll destroy all hope for a future where the woman is pushing her own limits in terms of how she dresses, applies makeup, acts around him and actively chases him for some attention.  Women with low desire for a man just don’t care to do these things, whereas women with his levels of desire for a man will go out of their way to look and act like the woman he would want the most.

What if a woman doesn’t send you a nice thank you after a date?  It’s not a deal-breaker, but it’s a good early detection sign that she might not really have a high level of desire for you.  If that’s the case, consider reviewing how much you’re initiating communication with her that doesn’t revolve around asking her out for your next date.  Are you initiating too many emails or text messages?  Do you respond to them too quickly, telling her subconsciously that you’re boring and have nothing going on in your life to keep you busy?

When to break this rule: On some rare occasions, it is OK for a man to initiate communication, as long as he makes it a rare thing.  Is a lady you’re dating having a down day because of some stress in her life?  A random phone call, email or text can cheer her up.  Be careful, though, because someone who needs cheering up daily may not be the person you want to commit yourself to for long.  If you find yourself having to initiate communication often, it’s definitely a sign that her level of desire for you is low, or that she has other issues she needs to work out.

The proper time to initiate a phone call or text message or email is to set up the next time you’ll see her, face to face.  Otherwise, respond in a timely fashion (but not instantly unless you really don’t have anything to do and are that boring of a man), and keep your most active communication in the proper time and place: face to face.

Related posts:

1. The first date, coffee or tea When you’ve met someone, in real life, online or a...
2. Ladyjargon If you’ve had any sort of communication with women you’ve...
3. Isn’t this just playing games? I’ve heard something on occasion from women I’ve dated: “Why...

What if what you said or did was an honest reflection of your feelings at the time, or a need you had?  Why would you be sorry?  In reality, what we sometimes mean when we say we’re sorry is really “I’m sorry that you feeling this way.”  Due to there being a difference between “I’m sorry that I did this” and “I’m sorry that you didn’t like me doing this,” it is more important to offer condolences to the person who felt aggrieved upon because they disagreed with something you agreed with yourself.

To offer condolences when someone feels slighted but your intention wasn’t to slight them, it’s wiser to say “It’s unfortunate that you don’t see things my way.”  You can also say “I may like it, but I do understand that you don’t.”  There’s no need to waste words like “I’m sorry” or “I apologize” when you don’t mean either.  Some people will immediately say to me that I’m a jerk for not being more receptive to someone’s feelings, but part of a solid relationship isn’t always being aware of other people’s feelings at risk of hurting your own, but being truthful with what you want and desire.  If they’re not compatible with your needs, how do you expect the relationship to blossom or even prosper at a basic level?  Even worse, she might be using ladyjargon on you in order to see if she can win what may end up being a game she’s playing.

INSIGHT: A vulture will repeatedly do what she says hurts her.  A chicken will say I’m sorry all the time, even if she hasn’t shown any real pain.  A hawk doesn’t apologize unless he did something he knew would cause a woman pain.

When you do something that actually hurts someone and you’re learning that your actions could’ve been modified or performed differently without risk to your own needs or feelings, only then is a true apology necessary and applicable.  When you use certain phrases rarely, they offer more power and value to the person receiving them.  Keeping “I’m sorry” and “I love you” and “You look beautiful today” to rare instances really makes them stronger being said by you than by someone who just says them out of rote or habit.

Related posts:

1. Ladyjargon If you’ve had any sort of communication with women you’ve...
2. Delivering curiosity towards her life One of the most mysterious things I’ve discovered in my...
3. When to call after a date A female friend chatted me this morning with a bit...