The paper doesn’t dig deep enough into the duality of a woman’s mind, though, to weed out why this is the case.  They allude to the idea that people who smile are showing feminine attributes (bad in men, good in women), and that women tend to want the bad boy who they think/hope can be changed (“fixed”), but this doesn’t dig into the why part of their conclusion: what is going on in a woman’s mind when she picks the brooding and dark guy over the happy guy?

In order to dig deeper, we have to first look at the duality of the woman’s mind: their logical brain versus their subconscious brain.  The subconscious female’s brain is where women subconsciously come up with their Ladyjargon questions and statements, those subtle pokes and prods that confuse most men, and can easily lower a lady’s Desire Grade Level if answered incorrectly (or even answered at all).  The logical brain, on the other hand, is the false front that most women put on that acts completely contrary to what her subconscious brain wants: the lies she speaks when she says verbally she wants a “nice guy” (but sleeps with a roster of Vultures: rock stars, tattoo artists and socially challenged professors), or the uneventful long term relationships she has with a Chicken while pining and waiting for a Hawk (and ending the relationship when she meets a Vulture who throws her 5 seconds of attention).

It’s very important to ignore 100% of the logical brain responses from women: they’re lying not only to you, but to themselves.  Some will say that “lying” is too harsh, but there’s no other word to define the garbage spewed when a woman is put into logical brain mode.  Even when she’s trying to commit to telling someone a truthful response, she’ll still give off non-verbal signals and cues that point to the fact that subconsciously she doesn’t mean what she is actually saying out loud.  It’s a tricky situation, even for men who understand the duality of the woman’s brain, but with knowledge and practice and the forming of proper habits, every guy can turn into a Hawk in a short period of time.

After reading all of the news articles regarding this study, and reading and re-reading the short 8-page PDF for a week, the question of “what is a guy to do?” is answered pretty easily: don’t be obvious about anything, not verbally and not physically.  Obviousness in a male sets up a subconscious alert in the mind of woman where she feels like she’s won something over you.  Even if offering her an obvious answer doesn’t doormat you completely in her subconscious mind, it will definitely open her inner eye to looking for more screw ups you might do that prove to her that you’re not the strong, challenging, determined man she wants and needs in her life (subconsciously).  That inner brain is always working to prove that you’re not worthy of her, and you only prove that by being obvious.

Looking at the research results, we see that women prefer brooding guys over happy guys, but women equally prefer prideful men to brooding men.  That full smile is easily returned to a powerful look with a smirk or half-smile rather than a frown or an angry face.  Practice that half-smile and force your habits to stop with the happy face that causes women to find you feminine rather than masculine.  Sometimes when I have a full smile on in public (hey, I’m a happy guy), I’ve had random women walk up to me and demand to know why I’m so happy.  I was never able to convert their initiation of conversation into a date.  On the other hand, when I’ve been lost in thought at a store or coffee shop and had a woman walk past and smile at me, a smirk or crooked smile has a huge success rate in getting her attention (usually a stronger smile back with stronger eye contact), which has been a consistent tool used to open up conversation long enough to get a date out of her.

In an article from 2010, I tell guys to (half)-Smile More, Talk Less.  Where I fail in that article (now updated, with more to come) is that it’s not about actively smiling like a mentally short-circuited guy, it’s about displaying some emotion half-way rather than not at all (or worse, overly displaying one that is easily discerned).  Women have that need to dig into a guy to see what he’s about, but when they dig and discover, their Desire Grade Level drops.  So put off her discovery by making her wonder what it is about you that you want and need, but don’t let her consistently discover the answers.  When she wonders, it means she’s thinking about you, and when a woman thinks about a man, it raises her Desire Grade Level, sometimes into stratospheric levels.

To put it simply: what you show on your face should get random women and women you know wondering what exactly is on your mind.  A full on smile will confirm to her an answer: he’s happy.  That’s not good, because it gives her an answer.  Showing no emotion is better, but showing a half-cocked emotion gets her inner brain spinning because she doesn’t have a clue if you’re happy or sad or angry or lost in thought.  Not giving her the answers she wants is actually helping fulfill her need to prove that you’re no doormat.

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I even find myself falling into that game by using those terms, and I don’t even mean to.  It’s time to stop; the only way we can do that is to review why those terms are wrong, and what terms are correct.

First of all, let’s define the terms Alpha, Beta and Omega when it comes to males:

Alpha: The Alpha male is the strong and confident guy who doesn’t take crap from anyone.  He’s set in his ways, knows his goals, and goes after them as long as they’re possible.  No one walks over the Alpha.  He’s coy and mysterious, he’s up for a challenge if he can see a finish line, and he’s cocky to the strong-willed and intimidating to the weak-willed.  I would estimate that 5% of males are true born Alphas.

Beta: The Beta is a door mat more often than not.  He doesn’t know how to say no to anyone in his life, and he’s likely to drop what he’s doing to take care of someone else’s needs even if he’s bad at it.  He doesn’t hold his ladies to a high standard.  Probably 75% of males fall into the Beta camp.

Omega: The lowest of the low of the Beta group, the Omega is out of shape, has no money and no prospect for stability, probably hasn’t had a relationship or sex in years, and has no problem with his life as it is.  Based on simple deduction of reviewing the number of Alpha and Beta males I meet in day-to-day travels, the Omegas total around 20% of males.

You absolutely CAN put any male into any of these groups.  Sometimes guys on the border might be Alphas with Beta qualities, or Betas with Alpha qualities, but you can also look at the color Yellow Green and Green Yellow and understand that one is still mostly green and one is still mostly yellow.  The issue isn’t about defining a male into one of these groups, it’s about defining a male as to what his future prospects are.

I threw out the Alpha/Beta/Omega definitions years ago when I came up with my own terms.  Alpha/Beta/Omega is a ladder, with Alphas at the top and Omegas at the bottom.  It’s not a very good definition because it doesn’t tell you what the male wants in the future and where he’s heading, it only defines what he is and wants right now.  My terms are different: Hawk, Chicken, Vulture.

It’s not too difficult to connect the Alpha/Beta/Omega group labels to the Hawk/Chicken/Vulture ones.   Chickens are always either Beta or Omega.  Hawks and Vultures are Alphas, for sure, but Vultures also have some Beta qualities when you take them out of their strongest environment (say a bar or a party).  The defining traits that separate the Hawk from the Vulture are easy to separate: the Vulture is out for one short term thing right now (typically, non-long-term sex) whereas the Hawk has determination for what he wants in the long term.

The Vulture is not too caring about a woman’s needs long term or short term, and uses game playing tactics he’s learned through knowledge of the typical female mind’s shortcomings to get what he wants right away.  The Hawk, on the other hand, knows what his needs are and puts them first, but is willing to barter for her needs if he knows he can take care of them.  The Vulture is willing to throw away a woman regardless of her Desire Grade Level because he knows she’ll only really be interested for a short period of time: game tactics have the effect of giving a Vulture an A Desire Grade Level right away, but it can quickly fall apart when she realizes he’s got nothing to offer her but mind games.  The Hawk knows he should only date women with a B or higher Desire Grade Level, and he can keep her there by sticking to being the driven and likable guy that he is.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of calling a guy an Alpha, Beta or Omega, but what does it really tell you?  Does it give you information about if the guy is trustworthy, liked by his peers, appreciated by his customers, loved by his family, and given a pretty good review even by his ex-girlfriends?  No.  They’re all useless terms to use.  That’s why I’m moving forward now by sticking to the terms I invented many years ago, and I hope you’ll join me in it as well.  There are 3 types of men: Hawks, Vultures and Chickens.  Use those terms and let’s put the Greek letters to rest once and for all.

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In the prehistoric days of man and woman, a woman had her choice of strong men in the tribe.  Two (or more?) men could easily handle the reproductive game by battling it out: the winner got the spoils.  Fortunately (or unfortunately!), men today can’t throw themselves into a ring of awaiting females and beat each other senseless until a victor is standing strong.  The women don’t have that luck, either: they have the inner need for a man who can protect them, produce strong offspring, and the women desire to care and nurture the man after a long day battling prey for dinner, coming home bruised and bloodied but keeping the family well fed.  Instead, that inner brain is constantly prodding their outer brain to produce a variety of tests to prove to her that the man is a testosterone full beast who she can only barely keep under minimal control through her beauty and nurturing skills.

Those testosterone tests come in all shapes, sizes and colors: from making demands of a man when she first meets him (“buy me a drink!”) to more subconscious actions like inquiring into his life and digging into his secrets (keep those email passwords private!).  Even though her outer brain wants the man to answer her questions and bow to her demands, her inner brain is hoping and praying that he’s strong enough to say no to her more than he says yes.  It’s more than a want, it’s a need that her inner beast has to continue to prove that he’s the one who would stand victorious over the bodies of her other suitors, just like in the tribal days.

I’ve been dating since I was a teenager, and I’ve lost women because I fail their ongoing testosterone testing that comes directly from their inner, subconscious mind.  When they’ve tested me and I’ve won, their Desire Grade Level goes higher (or at least stays the same).  When I’ve failed their tests (either by answering them, or even just by lowering her curiosity towards my life), I’ve given her inner brain reason to lower her Desire Grade Level towards me.  In the long term, that has caused her to lose hope in being with me, and the relationship eventually fizzled.

Even after years of marriage, a woman will continue to test her man.  It’s been shown that women file for divorce 65-71% of the time (PDF link), showing that it isn’t the men who are walking away the majority of the time.  In non-marital relationships, I would guess from my own research that women are the enders more than 70% of the time, but they take longer than men do to actually make the decision (typically it happens when they find a new man who isn’t as easily duped into becoming a doormat through her inner/outer brain antics, yet).

It’s enough to make your head spin: how often have you done something against your gut instinct because you thought a woman wanted you to (or, worse, she said she wanted you to), only to have it have the opposite effect on the relationship?  How often has your inner brain warned you against giving in to her demands, but you’ve feared losing her so you kowtowed to those demands?  That’s the sucker mentality most men have: our fear of being alone overrides our gut instinct that tells us to be strong and say no.  Worse, that’s what her inner brain is actually expecting: she’s throwing you a test of your testosterone, making it seem like she has a need for you to provide, and you fail it by actually doing it, causing her to lose desire for actually following her verbal prompting.  It’s a nightmare!

The only solution for a man is to learn to say no, to practice it more and more, and to develop trust in your own gut instincts.  She subsconsciously wants a man to defend her and provide for her, but consciously she’ll ask for the opposite.  Say no, or ignore her testosterone tests completely, using a coy smile or smirk as your response.  It may cause her outer brain to act offended, but her inner mind will be smiling because she’s happy that you didn’t doormat yourself and let her walk over you.

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This series will specifically focus on what you can do during your daily work and play that actually incorporates strengthening and enhancing speed of your body’s muscle groups.  You won’t need weights (not gym weights and not weird ones that mimic gym weights), and you won’t need any special workout machinery.  In fact, one nice aspect of incorporating strength and speed enhancement into your daily movements is that it will actually work, without needing much work.  You’ll even save money since we’re going to replace and stop buying some of the daily tools you might rely on and not even think about.

Let’s look at one example that I recently had to deal with over the weekend: power tools.  Males of all ages and intellectual levels seem drawn to power tools.  Big machines that chop and cut and tear and sculpt and mold and attach — they make a lot of noise, and they complete the task they’re needed for faster than hand tools.  That sounds like a winning situation: spend $100 on a rotary saw, and save hours down the road when you need to rip some 2×4s or replace that coffee table leg that broke when you crashed into it goofing off in your living room.  Here’s the problem: it’s not manly to use power tools, it’s lazy.  In the order of sexiness from lowest to greatest, consider these tasks:

1. Buy a pre-assembled coffee table and cart it home.  Install and stand back.
2. Buy an unassembled coffee table made of particle board and fake wood laminate at IKEA.  Spend an hour with an electric screw driver putting it together.
3. Buy some stained wood from Home Depot, measure it, and cut it all down and assemble it with power tools.  Spend 4 hours and admire your handy work.
4. Buy some raw wood from Home Depot, measure it, and cut it all down and assemble it with hand tools.  Sweat and break your back and stretch your muscles over a 12 hours period, then hand stain it.
5. Go into the woods with a pal, a two man hand saw, and chop down a tree.  Then, drag the log back home and use hand tools to make your own wood that you dry in the open sun, then sand it by hand and assemble it with a hand screwdriver.  Stain it with natural stains and varnish it with natural varnish.  Admire your handiwork that took 36 hours, not including 2 days of bed rest and body aches.

Which task do you generally do?  If it’s #1, you’re no man.  I’m not saying you have to do task #5, but it sounds sexy, doesn’t it?  Can you imagine your wife or girlfriend or the neighbor’s hot 19 year old daughter watching you wring a beautiful coffee table out of the ground, with nothing but a few pieces of metal used to cut and chop and carve and connect?  The muscles you use will be ones you’ve forgotten above.  Putting them through regular and random work will make them that much stronger, faster and able to withstand future punishment.

For me, this weekend, I installed a pre-built shelf I bought from Home Depot for $40.  It came with 2 pieces of wood and some screws.  I was going to grab the power screwdriver, as I usually do, but it wasn’t charged.  I grabbed a hand screwdriver and spent the next hour actually sweating and feeling muscles I’ve forgotten about going to work.  Those muscles were a tiny bit sore the next day, and after I had the shelf installed, I realized I didn’t do it properly.  I should’ve bought raw wood and a chisel and a hand saw and some natural stain and created a real shelf that will last a lifetime instead of the particleboard and laminate one that I bought.  It’s a daily reminder to me that my body was designed to destroy and recreate, and I’m already considering replacing it with a real shelf, made by my own hands.  Maybe I won’t go into the woods to chop down a tree, but I can at least do the rest from raw materials and the diesel fueled engine that I call my body.

So that’s just one example on how you can incorporate real exercise into your daily activities, be it work or play.  There will be more examples going forward as I learn to sculpt my body the way nature intended it, and I hope you join me in discovering what makes you a man.  For me, I will still use my free weights and Bow Flex workout machine once a week to tone the muscles that are easily toned that way.  But I plan on incorporating more REAL “exercise” into both my work and play, by reducing my dependency on powered machinery and finding ways to use my body in ways that make it stronger, faster and healthier.  Next up: how to clean your home without power “tools” and chemicals.

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Lately, the most common question AFTER a dating question is dietary: how can you get in better shape, why should you get in better shape, and what are the best ways to eat.  For me, the story of my way of eating starts when I was 27, just married, and saw a photo of myself: I had become fat.  Not a little overweight, but obese.  It snuck up on me after 25 years of friends saying I was too skinny.  2 years later, and I’d gone from the 145 lbs I was trough high school and after to a burly 205 lbs that did not look healthy by any standard on my 5′8″ frame.

It was time to change, so change I attempted.  I tried every way of eating imaginable, from low fat to high fiber to shakes to the salad diet.  In each case, I continued to keep the pounds on, or lose them and quickly gain them back.  I was always hungry, always tired, lost my drive and wrote it up to age.  Neither of my parents are what you’d call athletic fit, so I assumed it was just genes.

Then, in 2002 (just 9 years ago), I discovered the Atkins diet craze.  I was fighting to get down to 185 lbs, which I figured was a fair goal since many of my friends of my own age or slightly older were around that BMI.  Once I hopped on the Atkins craze, I lost weight — and kept it off.  I stuck to Atkins from 2002 to 2009, losing close to 40 lbs in those 6 years.  My energy levels went up a bit, I had a little more mental clarity, and I definitely had a better waist line, coming in around a size 32 waist (versus a 28/29 in high school).  I was happy to get there, but I was definitely stuck on a plateau (which I didn’t realize at the time).  I wasn’t working out because I didn’t have the energy or drive to work out, and I still faced desire for an afternoon nap almost every day.  I tried eating 5 smaller meals a day, I tried lowering my fats and carbs even more, but 165# I stayed.

In 2009, a friend of mine who is studying endocrinology in their medical program pointed me to the Primal Blueprint, run by ex-marathon athlete Mark Sisson, who is in his 50s.  Mark’s take on diet and eating was similar to Atkins (carb restricted, higher fats, easy exercises, etc).  I switched from my Atkins diet to the Primal Blueprint in late 2009, and the results were great: I dropped from 165 to 155 in about 3 months, and I learned an incredible amount of science behind the faults of Atkins (as well as the greater faults in the Standard American Diet of low fat, high carb, high cardio, etc).

I started reading EVERYTHING I could on endocrinology, including as many referenced articles as I could find.  Without a PubMed account to get access to medical journals and studies, I had to do a lot of searching, but eventually I came to the realization that Mark himself came to: we’ve been lied, conned, defrauded and coerced by the medical profession and the government that licenses it to eating a very unhealthy (but profitable for some companies) diet.  It’s not just carbs that can be bad (many aren’t), but even the fats I was eating on Atkins had huge problems.  These problems lead to inflammation, hormonal imbalance, blood sugar issues, pre-diabetes, illness, and even cancer and stroke and heart disease.

I stuck to the Primal Blueprint way of eating for a solid year through 2010, and stuck at 155# and about 13% body fat.  Because of the switch from unhealthy fats (like vegetable oils) to healthy fats (think: lard, ghee, butter), I found myself with more energy, a much higher sex drive, better mental clarity, solid blood sugar levels and blood labs overall, and a reinvigorated drive to seek out the science behind “why it works.”  For me, though, the Primal Blueprint wasn’t scientific enough, because Mark isn’t a medical professional with a history of understand the chemistry.  He’s a fantastic writer, and he knows what he’s doing, but it wasn’t enough to fulfill my lust for longevity, energy, and positive health.

Mark had linked a few times to a medical doctor who ran a small blog with fewer followers than his own: PāNu by Dr. Kurt G. Harris, M.D.  Dr. Harris had an even more specific way of eating that he hypothesized would be even healthier in the short and long run for mankind: he called it paleonutrition, but he is specific about not confusing it with the Caveman Diet, or the Paleo Diet, or any of the other fads with cute icons and the like.  Instead, he wanted to focus on why paleolithic humans didn’t have the diseases we have today, and yet still lived long and healthy lives.  Heart disease, stroke, dental decay, obesity, laziness: all tend to be Diseases of Civilization as Dr. Harris calls them.  He believes that by looking at the effects of the endocrinology of foods we eat, we can see the paths that disease and death spring through.

Dr. Harris doesn’t sell a book or supplements: he has no personal profit in recording his thoughts and hypotheses and viewpoints on the best way to eat.  He also does the research needed to back up what he posts.  As of March 2011, I’ve started my transition to Paleo 2.0, and already have seen a pretty significant change in my life: I have even more energy than I had on Primal Blueprint.  I am able to build muscle like I’ve never done before, but I work out far less than I ever had.  My mental clarity is better than ever in my life, and I’ve got more energy than 3 males 10 years younger than me combined.  My sex drive is stronger, my ability to pay attention is greater, and I’m finding even more strengths in areas of my life that were otherwise weak and permanently so.

The downside of the Paleo 2.0 lifestyle is that it is even more exacting in terms of what to eat and what not to eat, but the science behind it is seemingly bulletproof.  Also, where Primal Blueprint was about three times the cost of Atkins (which is easily double the cost of the Standard American Diet), going Paleo 2.0 is even more expensive than the Primal Blueprint.  It would not shock me if I spent 600% more on eating than the average American, but I know I feel 600% better than I did just 10 years ago.

Going forward with this series will focus on the science behind Paleo 2.0, as well as my way of shopping, cooking, eating out, and focusing on my personal health.  It will also focus on why I believe males should man up and focus on the vanity of having a strong and beautiful body, and what it will reap in your future.

For those who don’t want to go searching on the Internet, or can’t wait for my first detailed breakdown of the Paleo 2.0 way of eating, here are some notes:

1. Saturated animal fats are GOOD for you, when they are sourced from grass-fed (never grain-fed or finished) animals.  Vegetable oils (soybean, corn, canola, etc) are BAD for you.
2. Cholesterol that you eat is not bad for you, in fact it’s great for you.
3. Cooking in lard is the best way to cook.  If you can’t find lard, ghee is top notch, with butter a close third.  Coconut oil is also beneficial.  All the other oils are bad news.
4. Blood lipid levels (LDL, HDL, etc) are not what the medical industry wants you to believe they are.  You can not look at LDL or HDL and think “heart attack ahead.”  That’s because it isn’t just the quantity of LDL and HDL that matters (that’s what they test for) but the SIZE of the particles that matters.  I have a high LDL that most doctors would say is bad news (and immediately want to put me on the worst drug in the industry, Lipitor), but in fact my LDL particles are big and fluffy and not an issue.
5. Avoid fructose in any form, including many fruits.  Fructose causes insulin resistance, which leads to diabetes, heart attacks, and other medical diseases and conditions.
6. Avoid wheat and corn grain completely.
7. Avoid cardio work outs, which cause health issues, not fix them.
8. Meat is your friend, but grass fed meat is very important, and very hard to come by in restaurants and grocery stores.
9. Eating small meals throughout the day is bad for fat loss, and bad for your blood sugar levels.  Transition to eating one or two larger meals throughout the day, with a long term goal of fasting 16-18 hours a day (eating after 2pm).
10. Stop eating legumes (beans, etc).

Dr. Harris has a great starting guide he’s posted including 12 steps to take to go Paleo 2.0.  His website has plenty of his research, and tons of debate commentary to help you along.  I’ll be posting a regular article regarding my eating lifestyle, how I shop for it, and what I do to get my favorite restaurants to cater to me and those who live like me.

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While knowledge gained from books or school can be useful and even attractive, it doesn’t endear a significantly noticeable difference from other males who had read the same book or studied the same topic.  Surely there are opinions that differ, but the overall prowess a man gains from organized education doesn’t generally offer a profit over time spent doing something that can bring a unique quality to the man’s knowledge of what he’s learned.

I prefer striving to learn by both physical labor as well as intellectual.  I love reading, but I prefer putting my body into my hunger for learning.  One area that I absolutely love is equestrian, or horseback riding.

The equine is a marvelous creature, going back thousands of years in man’s history as a companion, a defender and a hunter’s aid.  The large athletic animal is almost designed to be led by humans.  I look at the horse as the true pet and sidekick of a man, sort of a complete version of the generally lazy and lacking dog that most males think are the perfect pet.  Anyone can buy a dog and train it in 6 weeks — few males have the energy, time and financial capacity to maintain a horse.  Which group would you rather be in?

Horses are intense animals, but also peaceful.  They’re individualistic, but they’re hungry for the command and control of a leader.  If a weak rider engages a horse, the horse is not likely to follow directions specifically.  Riding horses has been one of the best activities I’ve done in my life that continues to keep me determined, giving me better insight into my leadership abilities and roles.  If you aren’t a natural leader, riding a horse will give you a quick lesson in what you need to change.

Equestrian also is a physically dominating activity.  If you’re out of shape, riding a horse once or twice a week for an hour at a time will help your core strength as well as your posture.  There can be no half attempts here — a solid ride requires a sharp mind, a strong attitude, a desire to dominate and direct, and good physical health.

I’ve had a few male friends in my life scoff at the idea of owning all or part of a horse.  When I’ve broken down the overall costs, it’s come down to less money and less time than having a dog at home — that means there is no excuse for not leading an animal of stature versus an animal that will bring you your slippers in the morning.  I pay less than $400 a month for a magnificent horse that I get to ride 2-3 days per week.  I don’t have to buy food, pay for health care or insurance, I don’t have to rent a stable or worry about the horse’s care.

By sharing my equine with 2-3 others at the same stable, we’re able to divvy up the costs equitably and still get more than enough riding time in.  I can not imagine not having access to my riding companion, which gives me a jolt of mental and physical strength on each training visit.  In the summer months, I am able to ride through hundreds (if not thousands) of acres of natural forest and prairie, a form of individual meditation that I can not get from yoga or running or napping.

The 2-3 hours a week I invest is also equivalent to what I’d need to do with a canine (including walking one twice a day, feeding it, and exercise).  In my opinion, riding horses is actually less time consuming than owning a dog, and brings much more excitement to my life.  If I want to spend a day in nature with a lovely lady I’m dating, I can rent another horse for her for the cost of a small lunch.  Going for walks with a dog and a lady might be nice, but it’s not very unique.

If you don’t have any experience in equestrian, just use Google Maps to find the closest stables to your home or office.  You’d be surprised at how many exist all over the country, and a little bit of determined negotiation skills can usually get you into basic training for less than $200 a month initially (even cheaper at smaller stables).

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I’m not a big fan of men using their phones or computers to initiate much conversation with those they date.  Phones and computers should be used to ask a woman out on a date — when we converse with them, we want to see their body language.  On the other hand, phones and computers are exceptional tools for a woman to show a man a high Desire Grade Level.  When she texts you, emails you or contacts you in some way digitally, it means you’re on her mind.  We need more of that!

If you must initiate a conversation with a woman digitally, do so cautiously.  Most women, even the below average in superficial areas, receive too much from others in their lives.  They’re already getting flooding with contacts, so why get lost in the stream of that?  Better yet, if you reduce initiating digital communications to ONLY when you’re asking her out, it may actually work in your favor: she might wonder why you’re not like the other males who harassed her constantly.

With today’s smart phones and every office having Internet access, many females today have very fast access to responding to a digital message.  When your initiating is rare, you can test her Desire Grade Level to you by seeing how fast she responds.  Of course, if a woman is busy at work or on a project, she likely won’t respond back instantly, but once you know her schedule you can use her response time to see how into you she is.  Note: I’ve initiated a text when I knew a woman was working, and sometimes she still responded instantly.  That’s a high score.

We’re not setting  a rating to this based on if she responds to everything you send her, only her initial response.  It’s important to keep these communications to a minimum, so don’t carry on all afternoon after she responds to your first message.

If you are using the Desire Grade Level Calculator and scored less than an 8, it’s important to reduce your frequency of initiating, maybe even halting it completely.  If you have to halt it, start calling her on the phone to ask her out.  If she starts initiating regularly after that, you can reintroduce your own initiated messages, but do so infrequently so she finds value in what you send her.

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3. Next Step: Non-Intimate Physical Contact If you haven’t used the BAM Desire Grade Level Calculator,...

Passionate kissing is quite possibly the most important action to prove if a woman has a desire grade level above a D for you — although while not concrete, a woman with an F-level desire grade will likely never kiss you passionately.

For me, the act of a woman submitting to a kiss is a key element to seeing if I want to see her further.  Kissing isn’t necessarily a sign of sexual attraction, but it does confirm that she’s attracted enough.  On the other hand, I’ve also found good signs when the kissing turns to less passionate in an already sustained relationship: once that happens, it’s usually time to back off and see if her desire grade level goes back up, or if it’s time to end things.

When it comes to kissing, the passion of a woman returning a man’s kiss is important from the first or second date, all the way to 50 years into a marriage.  Ignoring this important sign is ignoring the doom pending if there are any issues causing the kiss to be deflected or reduced in passion.  Maybe she’s mad at you (temporary) or maybe her desire grade level for you fell below a B- (possibly relationship-ending).  Never verbalize that her kissing has lost its sparkle — just use body language and non-verbal cues to try to correct it.

If you are using the Desire Grade Level Calculator and you’re scoring lower than an 8, it’s time to take some notes.  The first thing you need to do is approach a woman you’re kissing but back off way before she does.  If she doesn’t pull you back in, you’ve obviously reached a breaking point.  Another action you can perform that might enhance the next kiss is to pull away bodily from her — distance your body further away than it usually is during your dates.  See if she closes the gap or pulls you in.  If so, try for another kiss and see if she reciprocates with the passion you need to see that she’s still into you.

Related posts:

1. Next Step: Is she thankful after dates? If you haven’t used the BAM Desire Grade Level Calculator, go...
2. Next Step: Planned or Tentative Dates If you haven’t used the BAM Desire Grade Level Calculator, go...
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A man needs to be more silent than talkative in order not to disrupt a woman’s subconscious desire to always be curious about her man, but a woman can be as talkative as she wants to be — men aren’t really bothered by a yappy female, and many females love to talk.

One area that is important to monitor in terms of communications from a woman you’re dating is her level of thankfulness or gratitude.  Whether you’re opening a door for her, or watching for her response after you’ve dropped her off on a date, a woman with a high desire grade level will want you to know that she appreciates what you’re doing for her.

I like it when a woman I’m dating text messages me after a date to tell me she has a great time.  In my history of dating, I’ve almost always ended new “relationships” by the third or fourth date that don’t include this simple (10 seconds?) action after a great date.  Her desire grade level isn’t high enough for me to want to see her anymore.  If I feel she deserves an official “I’m not going to ask you out anymore” speech, I always just say that I prefer to date women who show their appreciation for the hard work I do planning dates, and the time I take out of my busy schedule to spend time with those women.  Maybe she’ll learn for the next high caliber guy she dates.

I also appreciate hearing thanks after a nice dinner or an event, or even just for taking the time out of my busy schedule to see her at something more low key and quiet.  A kiss goodnight isn’t an acceptable thank you, because that should be something both parties want — she should get as much out of a goodnight kiss as you do, so it’s not an acceptable form of appreciation.

If you used the Desire Grade Level Calculator and scored less than an 8 on this category, the only solution you have to try to generate some appreciation from a woman is to stop doing things that don’t involve her thanking you (verbally or digitally).  If she ever asks “Why don’t we go out to nice dinners anymore?” then be honest: tell her you don’t want to waste your time or money on things she doesn’t appreciate.  If she gets mad or angry about it, ditch her.  She’s useless to you, selfish, and doesn’t deserve a strong man in her life.

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1. Next Step: Canceling dates If you haven’t used the BAM Desire Grade Level Calculator, go...
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3. Next Step: Her talking about future plans If you haven’t used the BAM Desire Grade Level Calculator, go...

A woman who talks about future plans with you is typically a woman with a high desire grade level towards you.  Whether it’s general talk about the next date she’s hoping you take her out on, or speaks specifically about wanting to go with you to an event or restaurant, it’s a good sign to see regularly in whoever you date.

If she’s not fantasizing about the future, there’s not a lot you can do.  One option is to casually mention the things you’re doing with other people (“I went with Tom and Mike to this great steakhouse”) when she asks you how your day or life is going.  If she says something like “I would love to check it out” you’ve got an in: reply with “Well, I never know what you’re interested in.  You should drop hints more often.”  This doesn’t guarantee that she will, but it opens the door for her to in the future.

If you scored less than an 8 on the desire grade level calculator, it’s important for you to watch for the times she’s expresses interest in seeing you again — generally or specifically.  Compliment these fantasies of hers by replying “I’ll look into it” (vague) or “I think that would be interesting” (less vague), but never “OMG I can’t wait to take you there!” (too strong).

Related posts:

1. Next Step: Is she thankful after dates? If you haven’t used the BAM Desire Grade Level Calculator, go...
2. Next Step: Planned or Tentative Dates If you haven’t used the BAM Desire Grade Level Calculator, go...
3. Next Step: Responding to your Conversation Initiations If you haven’t used the BAM Desire Grade Level Calculator, go...